Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Truth Is Out There...But It Ain't In Here

I saw a trailer over the weekend for an upcoming horror film called A Haunting In Connecticut. It's about a family who buys a house that turns out to have been built on top of an old mortuary which, in horror movies, is basically the equivalent of pissing on ghosts and daring them to haunt you. There was one thing that caught my eye, though, and that was when the phrase, "Based on a true story," popped up on screen. Those of you who pay attention to this site have seen this before and know that, when a horror film claims that it's based on a true story, it is going to be one of the purest examples of fiction you have ever seen. Porn films have plots more firmly based in reality than horror movies that claim to be true.

From what I've read, the story behind A Haunting In Connecticut is a hoax in the style of The Amityville Horror. A best selling book was written about the "true" events which is why we now have this movie.

As I was poking around trying to find the facts behind this story, I ended up looking in the comments section of the movie's page in IMDB. I try to avoid comments sections the same way I try to avoid venereal diseases. They almost always devolve into one person saying "U R GHEY!!!!!" and another responding, "thts not what yur mom said when she was cuming". Still, one thread caught my eye. It was titled "What a Load of ..................... ......." and was started by a fellow calling himself Campbe33. Mr. Be33 was of the opinion that the whole story was a crock since, among other things, no one who lived in the house before or after the family in the story had ever reported anything out of the ordinary there. This caused famed internet scholar Mider1985 to respond:
even if other people didnt report past haunting activity it might be because of several factors supposidly ghosts lie dorment as well as demons or maybe the previous owners caused the haunting, but you could always go to the location and live there if your so brave and sure of yourself i personally dont believe in all that catholic nonsense because im a prodistant

First off, you know that Mider1985 is passionate about this since his SHIFT and apostrophe keys as well as his spell checker were all broken when he posted this yet he charged ahead anyway. He's also clearly has very long arms since he managed to reach very far up his ass and pull out the whole "ghosts lie dorment" idea, thus allowing him to reject the simple, logical and likely idea that it was a hoax. Perhaps this is a trait he shares with other "prodistants".

Further down, we are treated to this treat from jluvdr:
and capbe33 (it's campbe33, actually, but I'm sure his failure to grasp this simple fact in no way indicates that he will be making stuff up later on. -- MC)you must not pay attention or know much about this case. Their is very vivid recorded video documentation of events in that house. Including chairs moving across the room, children being harassed, and mattresses moving like they are breathing. Does anyone have some troll off for this forum? We need some.

OH SNAP! What an epic burn. Troll off! That concept will never, ever be topped. Also, his revelation of the existence of a tape with all that supernatural stuff on it pretty much closes the case on whether the story is true or not. When campbe33 asked where he could see this tape, I'm sure that jluvdr had a devastating answer for him:
I don't think its my responsibility to impress your campb with real evidence. Their are those who believe, and those who have to experience it for themselves to understand. I say you should experience a real haunting.

Yeah campb, or whatever the hell your fake name is. I said there was this totally mega-awesome evidence and that should be good enough for you. Sure, I could produce this tape but I can't because...um...shut the fuck up, that's why I can't. I tried to find this tape myself but could only find recreated footage from a Discovery Channel documentary. I'm sure, though, that jluvdr will someday show us all his little tape and demand apologies from those who dared to say that he was a big stupid buttface. Actually, that apology will have to come from me. Dude, you are a big stupid buttface.

I also enjoyed the intellectual musings of Maddison77:
Or simply just say, You don't believe it. Just because you don't believe something doesn't mean something didn't happen. Got anything you need to get off your chest about the Santa Clause movies. How about any of the hundresd of films about Bible stories. Even better, why not start telling us Harry Potter is fake. Come on, get over yourself.

The sad thing is that this guy probably believes he made an intelligent point from which no skeptic could possibly recover. I doubt his brain could entertain the idea that none of the film subject he mentions tries to say that they are based on true stories (even Biblical films usually say that they are based on the Bible and not on reality).

At this point, I managed to pull myself away from this lively, harsh and utterly pointless debate. I thought about joining in but internet arguments like this can go on so long that they have to be continued by your ancestors. I'm sure there are still Usenet flame wars raging that started in 1996 when someone went to a Babylon 5 newsgroup and said, "x-files is way better than this crap. the people who make B5 wouldn't know good tv if it gave them all handjobs"

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