Thursday, November 11, 2010

Look At My Briefs -- 11/11/10

If the year was 2011, today would be 11/11/11. As we are stuck in the hell year that is 2010, we can all at least console ourselves with another edition of my brief comments on various subjects I like to call Look At My Briefs.

This is very bad news indeed for the upcoming sequel to Sherlock Holmes. When I saw the headline that Rachel McAdams wasn't sure if she would be back for Sherlock Holmes 2, my assumption about the movie automatically became, "Wow, this movie's going to suck." It's not that she would absolutely have to be in it, mind you. What bothers me is that filming for this is already underway. Hell, Stephen Fry is playing Mycroft Holmes and he's been live tweeting from the set every day. So, we have a movie that's started filming and the script is still is such a state of flux that one of the main characters isn't even sure if she's in it or not? That's a recipe for failure and pretty much guarantees the third act will be dominated by chase scenes and explosions.

Jessica Alba was recently quoted as saying, "Good actors, never use the script unless it's amazing writing. All the good actors I've worked with, they all say whatever they want to say." Why am I the only one who, we he read that, automatically assumed that she was either misquoted or was joking and the interviewer for Elle magazine decided to report it as if she was serious? People like screenwriter John August and Cinematical's Allison Nastasi bring up that possibility but only so they can dismiss it and unleash their righteous indignation on something that's so damn outrageous that the possibility of it being real is pretty close to zero.

I never realized Smurfette had such a complicated origin story. The whole Smurf situation is still kind of creepy and implies that there are fairly regular gang bangs going on when they're not busy running from Gargamel's cat or whatever the hell it is Smurfs like to do. I still think the Smurfs movie is going to be all smurfed up and it's totally going to suck smurf.

Zack Snyder movies always have trailers that come out six months in advance and make you upset that you have to spend the next six months watching movies like Little Fockers when you could be watching this. I was surprised to see this story of a girl who was institutionalized for the crime of not wanting to be raped by her stepfather was an original screenplay and not based on anime or a graphic novel. The most likely scenario for a movie like this is that it will have a dumb plot mixed in with a wonderful visual imagination. That wouldn't be so bad but why not hope for even more? How could doing that possibly go wrong?

Something called the Parents' Television Council complained that profanity on network television has risen 69% in the last five years. First, is there a media watchdog organization with the words "Parents" or "Family" in its name that isn't composed of prudish rightwing touchholes who think a good way to spend your time is to watch television so you can count the dirty words? Second, as I said last week about a similar incident, a complaint like this would have been effective as recently as the turn of the century but television networks are fighting with shows like True Blood and Dexter that have not only foul language but graphic violence and simulated sex scenes. They have bigger problems than tightass freaks who lose it even when they see something like %$#& substituting for Shit My Dad Says. Third, 69%? Really guys? All that awful, corrupting profanity you guys watch and no one at your organization knows the significance of that number or the irony of seeing it in a report about profanity. Helpful hint: learn the concept of rounding off numbers.

About the news that a new movie version of Dune may get shelved: good. I love that book. I really do. My love of the book gives me enough familiarity with it to come to the conclusion that it is unfilmable. I believe my theory is reinforced by the two previous critical and financial failures that were attempts to film it. If you want to film an old science fiction novel, Alfred Bester's The Demolished Man has been sitting around for over half a century. You're welcome, Hollywood.

1 comment:

Dzhimbo said...

69% - heh. I guess they don't have dirty minds like the corrupted rest of us.