The Missing S

Question for Dirty Harry: Seriously? No come on, this is for real? It's not some elaborate joke? You've actually decided to take a stand over THIS?

Okay, need loads and loads of background for any of that to make sense. Dirty Harry is the main blogger/film critic for a web site called Libertas which describes itself as, "A Forum For Conservative Thought On Film," but is actually an excuse to espouse extremist right wing ideas while pretending you're just reviewing I Am Legend. I've described it to people as a gold mine of stupid. As of this writing, Libertas' front page contains posts that

1. Criticize Jim Carrey for starring in Jason Reitman's new movie about a Frenchman who rediscovers his love for France. The point of the post is murky unless you're wearing your Right Wing Nutjob Decoder Ring and you know that France is where the devil lives, or rather a lazy, wine-swilling, totally gay version of the devil who smells like cheese. The only blatant criticism of France is also when Harry puts on his "I UTTERLY LACK SELF-AWARENESS" T-shirt and points out that France once lied about Iraq having WMD. Yes, because lying about WMD is the worst thing you can possibly do and you should hate any country that lies about WMD which means that Dirty Harry must also hate America and I am sorry but I'm not going to sit here quietly while this ungrateful little hippy bitch criticizes my country. Harry should just go back to France where he came from.
2. Talk about how box office attendance has dropped steadily since 2002 and claims that this is because Hollywood hates America and God.
3. Talks about misogynistic movies so that he can slip in his belief that feminism has actually hurt women.
   

Still, this isn't any worse that you'd read on Red State or Instapundit and normally wouldn't rate a mention. No, what's really upset my apple cart today is the OTHER post currently on the front page.

Harry opens by talking about how British theater chain Odeon is refusing to show Rambo. After claiming he thought this was no biggie (unlikely considering that, in his review of the movie, he held Rambo up as an example of neocon awesomeness that will surely poll vault George Bush's approval rating back over 30%), he connects that incident to Canada's decision to do something similar. Are they refusing to show Rambo? Oh, Lordie Lord no. They're refusing to show Witless Protection. Yes, that's right, Harry could have spent his time and energy writing yet another post about how movies like Lions For Lambs will usher Osama bin Laden into the White House or that the 2,000 year history of Christianity is threatened by a movie where one talking bear beats the crap out of another talking bear but no, he decides to go to the wall over WITLESS FUCKING PROTECTION.

So now, let's hit REWIND.

Question for Dirty Harry: Seriously? No come on, this is for real? It's not some elaborate joke? You've actually decided to take a stand over THIS? I'm trying to think of something more clever than "COME ON, SERIOUSLY?" but I can't think of anything that better expresses what I'm thinking. This is a movie that is hated by pretty much everyone. Even most Larry the Cable Guy fans don't like it. It scored a rare and surprising 0% on the Tomatometer. It made people look back longingly at Larry's other movies, Delta Farce and Health Inspector, and say, "Now that was when Hollywood knew how to make comedies about hick morons. Why couldn't we appreciate that Golden Age when we were living through it?"

And yes, I judged the movie before I ever saw it. However, I'm one of the very few people who actually bought a ticket to see this steamer and I can tell you that everything that I and everyone else said about it is true. Well, what they said about the first 15 minutes are true anyway. That was when I walked out and snuck into National Treasure 2. I can also tell you that Witless Protection's greatest sin is not that it offends, well, everybody. It's that it does that while failing to make you laugh. It insults your intelligence while movies in the same genre like Borat, Superbad, and South Park actually compliment it. Those are offensive movies that are so funny and well constructed that you can't believe what you are laughing at.

So, Canada decides not to take up valuable theater space with a universally offensive, thoroughly hated movie that committed the ultimate Hollywood sin. No, not being politically incorrect. The ultimate Hollywood sin is that, despite a huge marketing campaign, it made no money. Most people see this is as signs of Canada's good taste and excellent business sense. Dirty Harry, on the other hand, puts on his Jonah Goldberg X-Ray Specs and sees the ascendancy of Liberal Fascism. That's fine, man. You want Larry the Cable Guy? He's yours.