Recently, I was contacted by right wing blogger Götterdamerung who posts over at conservative site Bushpocalypse.org. He took me to task for my recent review of "Horton Hears A Who" claiming that it was filled with liberal bias and that I was clearly and blatantly using a children's film to indoctrinate those same kids into my far-left agenda. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about but, when I asked him if he'd like to publish his own review here for the sake of balance, he graciously and sincerely thanked me for the opportunity though he thought it may all be part of my liberal jihadist plot to destroy America. --MC
Hey folks, Götterdamerung here. I know all you limpwristed Democrat gayboys out there probably went with your boyfriends to see that new French film The Other Boleyn Girl this past week which means you missed out on the most ass-kicking balls-out pro-America movie I've seen since 300, the movie where Spartan King Leonidas kept the Persian army from invading the United States. I'm talking about Horton Hears A Who. This movie gets your heart pumping, your feet stomping and your flags waving and convinces you that America should rule the world under the wise leadership of George Bush's third term.
The movie starts off in Whoville, a place that's totally screwed. It turns out that they live on a mote of dust, most likely due to liberal policies that inhibit the wealth creation that would have allowed them to live somewhere else. The dust starts blwoing all over the place and it looks like it'll be curtains for Whoville. They need help, they need a savior, they need GEORGE W. BUSH and they get him in the form of an actual Republican elephant named Horton.
Like Bush, Horton is just a regular guy who likes to have a good time. He doesn't spend a lot of time thinking which is good because, when he finds the Who, he doesn't stop to think. Instead, he goes with his gut and right away figures that he has to bring Whoville to a safe spot. That makes sense, right? Who could argue with that? The killjoy Kangaroo voiced by Carol Burnett, that's who. She's a crazy feminist in charge of the forest for some reason and she shows why feminists should never be in charge of anything except dinner. She goes on and on about how the kids in her socialized schools can't be exposed to the idea of tiny dust people just because there's no evidence that they exist. There's a term for that: Liberal Fascism.
Meanwhile down in Whoville, the Mayor, another manly Republican type clearly modeled after Dick Cheney, is told by his pussified city council that there's nothing wrong so he increases he goes it alone by seizing vast new unitary executive powers. He manages to get a warrantless wiretap to the outside world and thus forges a masculine bond with Horton and together, they save Whoville.
This movie helps Bush. A liberal would have tried to save Whoville by raising taxes to finance a committee to form new Whoville regulations and celebrate by drinking soy milk and singing Kumbayah. But that's not what Horton did. He showed that if you make a decision, stay the course and not let defeatocrat busybodies interfere with you, everything will work out in the end. Horton Hears A Who loves everything that Bush and the right wing hold dear. Things like honor, courage and masculine values. If you don't love this movie, that means that you don't love masculinity and anyone who hates masculinity is obviously gay.
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