Boycott WALL·E Part 2: Apples And Oranges

In my previous post, I made an attempt to warn the world about the upcoming Disney/Pixar film WALL·E. At the time, I seemed to be alone in the view that WALL·E, seen by most as a simplistic and entertaining film about a cute little robot, was actually the harbinger of humanity's doom at the hands of bloodthirsty machines whose main imperative is to destroy mankind*. Here was my vision of the future:

1. Everyone goes to see WALL·E.
2. It becomes a mega-hit and all the little kids want their own robot.
3. The robots become self-aware and our only choice after that is whether we get conquered by Skynet or the Matrix.

I realize now that I was, in fact, wrong about part of that. We could also be conquered by the Borg. Anyway, I did what I could to get the message out and, from what I can tell, had at least a small amount of progress toward preventing the end of the human race. At least that's what I thought until I read this comment from someone called Nekura20x6 over on Digg:

If Johnny 5 didn't manage to destroy our generation, I think our future is secure. (Can Wall*E reprogram three robots to do the Three Stooges? I think not...)

WRONG WRONG WRONG! This is exactly the kind of thinking that will lead us into machine-run death camps. Listen up Nekura20x6, if in fact that is your real name. As soon as Johnny 5 became self-aware, he did 2 things. One was to gain and constantly repeat the philosophy of "No Disassemble". The other one was to constantly put himself into inappropriate situations with Ally Sheedy. You just know he'd have nailed her if he could have, but that's not the same as wanting to exterminate her along with her fellow humans.

So, to Nekura and everyone else, I must warn you not to let Short Circuit lead you into a false sense of security. Comparing Johnny 5 and WALL·E is like comparing apples and oranges only in this case the apples are as friendly as they are tasty and the oranges are an evil demon fruit whose intention is to either kill you, enslave you or assimilate you into its collective. Am I being ridiculous? Perhaps. BUT DO YOU DARE TAKE THE CHANCE? I think not. I'm the last guy in the world to want to sound overly dramatic, but for the love of all that is good and holy, you must boycott WALL·E lest thousand of years of human experience and memories will be lost like...tears...in...rain. Time to die.


*I've always wondered what the hell machines who Must Destroy Mankind would do if they actually managed the feat of destroying mankind. It's like last week when I decided to spend my weekend organizing my comic books but finished up with that after only a few hours and sat around bored till Monday. I'm thinking it'd be the exact same thing with the robots and their Destroy Mankind deal and is probably why they never manage to finish the task. They know that they'll have squat to do.

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