Spoiling Is The Right Of Every Sentient Being

Apparently, some blog called transformerslive.blogspot.com managed to get its hands on a call sheet from the upcoming sequel, Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. It was quite a coup for them as the sheet apparently contained spoilers not just for the day's filming that the sheet covered but for other parts of the movie as well and I encourage you all to go and take a look at it here.
Eh? You're saying that the blog doesn't seem to exist? Well, that's no problem. The movie site Bamkapow.com managed to scan the same sheet and put it up themselves. Heck, what are you waiting for? Go take a look.

And now you see the problem. Paramount, or, as I will now call them, the Devil's Rolemodels, actually seems to think it's a bad idea to have the details of their expensive new movie's plot spread around the internet a year before it's actually going to come out. This, I'm assuming, is because Paramount is an organization run by Communists. Listen up, Comrades. Spoiling movies is one of the reasons that the internet exists (the other two reasons being to tell people that Barack Obama is a Muslim and to watch barely legal Asian girls pee on each other). If you stop people from leaking spoilers, our computers become nothing but expensive paperweights on which we can watch jpegs of our kittens. Therefore, I will now perform a spoiler of my own. I'm going to spoil the central planning of Paramount's Politburo by revealing here the details of the new Transformers movie.

1. Big shiny robots that can turn into other objects ranging from trucks, cars and toasters will fight other big shiny robots that can also turn into those things except that they burn the toast because they're evil.
2. Actress Megan Fox's Mikaela character will return to provocatively bend over stuff.
3. Shia LeBeouf's Sam will return to once again, with the aid of the Transformers, valiantly struggle against his parents and complete his sacred mission to nail Mikaela.
4. Sam will make a lame joke while Mikaela is inadvertently striking a provocative pose. For example, if she's bending over while looking for something to eat in a freezer, he'll say, "How does she make something that cold look so hot?"
   
5. The words, "I got a bad feeling about this," will be uttered at least once.
6. Thousands of lives will be endangered and billions of dollars of property damage will be incurred during a Transformers fight. The government will successfully cover all this up.
7. Optimus Prime will make a flowery speech about how freedom is just so darn swell.
8. Director Michael Bay will come to a point in the movie where he just says, "Screw it," and just blows everything up for no particular reason.

So suck it, Paramount! There's no reason for anyone to see your dumb little movie. Want to come after me? Try it. You can have my spoilers when you pry them from my cold, dead hard drive.

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