He Also Gave Away Free Drinks From A Public Fountain

With the release of Hancock just a few days away, I was reminded of an event that happened back in January. Big stars usually give gifts to the crews of their movies when filming wraps up. Movie stars need their huge paychecks to pay for $50 trucker caps and swimsuit model mistresses half their age so they don't have loads of cash on hand to buy decent gifts. Will Smith, however, took this concept to a new low.

At the wrap party for Hancock, Will Smith gave out gift certificates good for free personality tests at any Scientology Center. I'm not going to do some extensive anti-Scientology rant although Xenu knows I could. What I usually ask people, though, is how do you get so smug trashing a religion that believes an evil galactic emperor infested the world with the tortured souls of dead criminals and then go on about the awesomeness of a carpenter born of a virgin who could walk on water, turn the water he was walking on into wine and use the wine to celebrate when he returns from the dead*. No, my topic of conversation today is Will Smith and his crappy choice of gifts.

See, those gift certificates are, as I said, for FREE personality tests. You could walk into any Scientology Center in the world and get one of those tests whether you had one of those certificates or not. After, the test, you will almost certainly be diagnosed with various mental and personality disorders and that's when you start paying them for their treatments, but that initial test is free.

Which means Will Smith, super rich movie star, spent exactly jack and shit on the gifts he gave to his crew. He may as well have given them free sunshine or a certificate that gave them the right to speak the English language.

Clearly, Will Smith belongs in Scientology as the thetans have obviously so thoroughly infested him that he's become a major cheapskate. Hopefully by his next movie, he'll be Clear and his crew will get the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air DVD collections and Red Lobster gift certificates they all so richly deserve.


*This, of course, is aimed at the Christian audience out there. If you aren't a Christian, feel free to substitute a story that makes perfect sense to you but sounds batshit insane to outsiders, such as that eight armed elephant you Hindus seem to fancy.

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