A Hazy Shade Of Winter In June

This isn't a good time for DVD releases since what we're getting now is all the crap that came out in January, February and March.

Sadly, the best title coming out is Semi-Pro which I reviewed here back in March. I'm fascinated that this mediocre comedy that didn't exactly set the box office on fire somehow rates being released as 2-Disc Special Edition. Maybe some of you out there can't wait to see the 3rd unit director's track where we find out about the care and feeding of Will Ferrell's fro and how Woody Harrelson would chug down absinthe between takes, grab people by the throat and demand that they explain to him how a guy who once headlined movies directed by Milos Forman and Oliver Stone ended up playing second fiddle to Ricky Bobby.

Moving on, the fact that old guys dying and Spartans break dancing failed to get people to leave their warm homes, walk through the snow and take out a second mortgage on their homes so they could afford the price of movie popcorn came as a surprise to no one save possibly the mothers of the people involved with those two films.

I didn't see Jessica Alba's The Eye but did I really need to? From what I saw in trailers and clips, it almost certainly failed to rise above the level of, "Cheesy remake of cheesy Japanese horror film that is so popular in American cinema these days." Those movies aren't hard to spot since they all have the same look and plot: Deformed ghosts march around in poorly lit environments getting pissed off at everyone around them for very vague reasons and always make damn sure that they aren't completely defeated so they can come back in the sequel. I'll probably rent it in the next couple of weeks and if I felt I was wrong, I'll say so. If not, you'll almost certainly never see me mention it again even though that almost certainly means that Jessica Alba will never give me oral sex. (I had the odds on that ever happening at a trillion to one but even that was good enough for me to rehearse what I was going to say as she was blowing me. It would have been something along the lines of, "Wow, you blowing me feels so good, Jessica Alba." Yeah, I know, I was still working on it but now I guess I shouldn't even bother.)

Well, that's about it. Oh, look, Jumper is coming out next week. Yay!

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