Friday, January 29, 2010

How Hollywood Thinks

I've dealt with this subject before but it seems time to bring it up again. This is Amanda Seyfried.

You may think she's really cute. If you do, you're wrong. By Hollywood standards, she's hideous. Casting directors thought this girl was enough of a chowder face to play Megan Fox's ugly friend in Jennifer's Body.

Oh dear lord, I think I may puke. I really want to jack off to Megan Fox but how the hell am I supposed to do that with that Gollum look-alike sitting next to her? Come on, glasses? GLASSES? I think the only reason her parents didn't drown her at birth is because she wasn't wearing those glasses when she came out of the womb.

Now for the kicker. I have proof that Hollywood makes better movies than any other country on the planet. There's a new movie called Chloe financed by the French and set in Paris though it's an English language film. Check out what she looks like in that movie.

Ugh. Sure, she got rid of the glasses but, you know, lipstick on a pig and all that. In Chloe, we're supposed to believe that Amanda Seyfried is a prostitute so alluring that she not only seduces Liam Neeson but also manages to get Julianne Moore to switch teams. Uh huh, like we're supposed to believe that blond Sasquatch could seduce anyone. If you want to get really grossed out, here's the red band trailer for that movie where you see her in various stages of undress. I must warn you that this video is what's known as Not Safe For Work so it's an awesome thing to watch on your company's computer if this is your last day there.

I just can't figure out what the French were thinking. Maybe they have some sort of socialist program over there that forces film companies to cast a certain number of actresses whose faces look like ground meat. You know, like Amanda Seyfried does.

And that, my friends, is How Hollywood Thinks.

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