Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Reboots Are Made For Gawking

Many of you have probably already heard that the next Spider-Man movie will be made without director Sam Raimi or any of the cast from the other three films and will instead be one of those "reboots" that are so popular with the kids these days, like YouTube videos about cute little kittens. Or sexting. This has given me an idea to make this site more popular. Starting in 2012, Clear's Own will be completely rebooted. My plans include changing the author "Michael Clear" from a mature adult approaching middle age into a teenager with Taylor Lautner's body. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that.

I've said before that I'm not a purist. There's no reason a decent Spider-Man movie couldn't be made by other people. Sure, it's unlikely, but stranger things have happened. On the other hand, I think I'll skip this movie and wait for the next Spider-Man reboot in 2015.

All that being said, I am so tired of hearing that some movie franchise is being rebooted. Is the movie industry so shallow and lacking in ideas that they have to keep recycling the same stories over and...oh yeah, they are. Sadly, I don't know what to do about this. I could start a worldwide boycott of reboots that would change the film industry as we know it but that would take too much work so I'll go with Option B: devote my daily blog post to the subject of reboots. Which you're reading now.

Oh well, may as well skip to Stage 5 and accept things as they are. At least we've had successful reboots like Star Trek, Batman and James Bond to console us as this trend continues. In the years ahead, I'm sure we can all look forward to reboots of Die Hard, Harry Potter and...Oh Dammit, they're going to reboot Twilight someday. If God is merciful, we'll all be buried in the cold, cold ground when they do.

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