Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Things I've Learned From Watching Movies Part 79

Jackie Chan shows us it's possible to become an international super spy capable of taking down vast criminal networks despite the fact that he is apparently a rock stupid human being who has never before had contact with children.

After the Apocalypse, there's only going to be one guy who's really any good at fighting.

Man oh man, the Bible really got a lot of shit wrong.

Popular mythical figures are actually very silly creatures.

Message to all you killers out there: if you are planning to brutally murder someone whose is related to Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis, Gerard Butler or anyone who's ever been in a big budget action film, you may want to rethink your actions.

As we saw in Leap Year, intelligent and highly competent career women are fully capable of turning into certifiably brain damaged idiots at the drop of a hat when dealing with their romantic lives.

Cold weather makes you retarded.

The most effective type of lawman is a rule breaking psychopath who shoots indiscriminately.

STAY OFF THE FUCKING MOORS! People been telling you this since the 1930s yet no one ever listens.

The human race is way too stupid to couple up effectively. It's amazing we ever reproduced.

Is there such a thing as too many zombie movies? Hell no!

When a movie's plot summary contains this line...
Two longtime NYPD partners on the trail of a stolen, rare, mint-condition baseball card find themselves up against a merciless, memorabilia-obsessed gangster.
...you know that it can be fully summed up with just one other word: Quality.

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