Friday, January 8, 2010

January Thaw

As I said yesterday, it's odd to see two movies coming out the first week in January that are being at least decently reviewed. This is not the natural order of things and I don't like it. In the beginning of time, God decreed that the worst movies of the year were supposed to come out in January yet Youth in Revolt and Daybreakers are both holding their own so far on the Tomatometer. Hell, Ebert even gave three stars to the Amy Adams rom com Leap Year. True, the majority of critics hate it but I agree with Ebert quite a bit of the time which makes me scared to see that now because I don't want to end up writing a review that reads, "Leap out of your chair and go see Leap Year." Something like that is even more likely because Amy Adams is in it and she and Rachel McAdams both have the ability to cloud my mind and make me give a movie they're in 14 stars out of a possible 4 even if it sucks.

The reason January always has the worst movies is because of the fact that everyone blew all their spare cash in the previous month on X-Boxes for their whiny little brats combined with high school and college kids being busy with school starting back up. This means that in December you get movies like Avatar and Sherlock Holmes until the calendar swings into January when you get new Dane Cook comedies and the latest Resident Evil sequel.

Despite some decent reviews for these movies, the list of upcoming films looks like a typical January. You have Book of Eli, a warmed over Road Warrior story, a story about crazy angels called Legion and The Spy Next Door, a movie that I want to like because Jackie Chan is in it but, come on. I mean, come the hell ON. An international super spy has to take care of some kids? Maybe they're thinking, "Cameron took Dances With Wolves and made loads of money with Avatar. Maybe we could take Vin Diesel's The Pacifier, redo it with Jackie Chan and make a billion dollars." Oh, let's not forget When In Rome which is Leap Year set in Rome with Kristen Bell instead of Amy Adams so, if nothing else, they can probably count on the three star Ebert review.

Who knows? Maybe all these movies will be good and HA HA HA HA sorry, I can't go on. No, this week was a fluke. Flukes happen. Soon the natural order will be set right and we'll be treated to junk January films that no one will see because they weren't really meant to see them. February will come and we may get decent movies again. Until then, we can all go see Avatar a third or fourth time. That is God's plan and we should not question it. So shall it be written, so shall it be done.

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