By now, just about everyone has seen this week's Betty White episode of Saturday Night Live. It was the best episode of SNL in a long time with no real clunkers sketches I can think of. Even some of the regular sketches I don't care for like Kenan Thompson's Scared Straight, ordinarily something that tells the same funny joke over and over every time it's on, made me laugh all the way to the end. However, I'm not here to talk about that today.
No, I want to talk about the process that led to her hosting. It's well known that an online movement, mainly a Facebook page that was over a million members strong, is what pressured Producer Lorne Michaels to cast Betty White as this year's Mother's Day host. This shows the power of the internet can do anything and it is that power I seek to wield.
I want you, Clear's Lunatic Legions, to start a new movement to convince Lorne Michaels to let me host Saturday Night Live. I will expect one huge Facebook page as well as several smaller FB groups as well as a lot of activity on Twitter from folks with handles like @LetMikeHost. Round it out with literally thousands of posts to various message boards specifically related to SNL, television, comedy...oh, why stop there? Flood message boards devoted to everything. If it's a website devoted to cheese, I expect to see the comments section fulls of posts like this: "Why won't you bleeting craptards let Mike Clear host Saturday Night Live? While you're all busy arguing over whether gouda or muenster is better, the world is being denied the privilege of seeing this good man doing his killer imitation Larry King." Be honest, don't you all want to see me doing the news with Seth Myers or playing a White House aide opposite Fred Armisen's Barack Obama? Cause, you know, Fred Armisen's Obama certainly doesn't suck and it's not the stupidest piece of casting in the 35 year history of SNL and it doesn't make me or anyone else question not only the judgment but the sanity of everyone connected to that show who thinks it's a good idea to have Armisen play Obama. So, yeah, you definitely want to see me acting with him, right?
I can't participate in this movement that's about to sweep the nation. In fact, I'll have to remain humble and disavow all your efforts. I may even have to call you worthless nerds who need to get a life and stop jacking off all the time to pictures of LOLcats but know that I won't mean it. Also know that all the work, sacrifice and verbal abuse will be worth it when you see me on television some distant Saturday doing my new character Spitty, a guy who spits when he talks. I spit out windows, into fans, into food. Trust me, it'll be as hilarious as some other SNL classics like Debbie Downer. yes, I guarantee, it will be at least as funny as Debbie Downer.