You Know It's Filler, Filler Night

I'm busy with various holiday related activities so today, instead of posting nothing, I'm going to show off my cut-and-paste skills by sharing the best of my Twitter posts.

• I've decided to start keeping score. So far, I'm ten points ahead of the rest of you.

• Skating With The Stars, because Dancing With The Stars still leaves you with a shred of hope for humanity.

• Tomorrow I will either shake things up or bring that old razzle dazzle. Haven't decided yet.

• Since he Ok'd condoms, Vatican officials have been keeping the Pope quiet lest he say, "Hell with it. Abortion and gay sex are cool too."

• "Hey man, know what would be funny? When you create women, make them bleed out their vaginas once a month." -- God's a-hole frat brothers

• "Hey man, know what would be funny? When you create women, make them bleed out their vaginas once a month." -- God's a-hole frat brothers

• Incidentally, if anyone knows Kim Kardashian, please tell her it would really help my showbiz career if she and I started having sex.

• "Please sign this petition to protest Miley Cyrus' upcoming 18th birthday." -- Socially active pedophile

• I just had sex with a woman. Please RT.

• "They ride around the Outback looking for gasoline." American knowledge of Australia begins and ends with The Road Warrior.

• Henry VIII didn't kill his 6 wives. He only killed 2 so he wasn't so bad.

• "Can I solve the puzzle, Pat? Raping The Squirrel!" I suck at Wheel of Fortune.

• Historians have show it was 3 days after the invention of math that someone sarcastically said, "You do the math."

• Congress bans "Crush" videos? Well hell, there goes my weekend.