Thursday, November 18, 2010

Look At My Briefs -- 11/18/10

The Mayans predicted that I would post a movie review on November 18, 2010. Since I think Mayans are total A-holes, I have decided to make them look foolish and instead post another edition of my brief comments on various subjects I like to call Look At My Briefs.

Amazon has announced that they are creating an open source movie studio. Basically, they're holding a contest in which anyone can submit a script and it will then be put online where Amazon readers can give feedback and even rewrite and amend the scripts wiki style. Now, I'm a reasonable, mature human being and it's all I can do to restrain myself from writing, "THIS SCHIT SUXXORRZ," in every script's comments section and inserting a buff werewolf character into every screenplay so imagine when your standard comments section creature starts showing up at this site. On the other hand, I finally have a place to submit my screenplay for Star Wars Episode VII: Let's Act Like Episodes I, II and III Never Happened.

Judging by Twitter/Facebook/rest of the damn internet reactions, I have failed as a movie fan because I did not completely lose my shit over the recent Green Lantern trailer. Only thing I found interesting was that I assumed Sinestro would be the movie's villain and instead it looks like it's going to be Hector Hammond*. Sorry, this just looks like a standard action movie to me and not the next Dark Knight/Spider-Man 2. If it's lucky, it may be on par with the X-Men movies which means they'll be entertaining films that you struggle to even think about when they're over.

The trailer for Cowboys and Aliens, however, looks very cool. This is the movie I'll be wishing I was watching between now and it's release date. Daniel Craig is probably a better choice for the lead role than the original choice, Robert Downey Jr, was since this looks like it has a lot of "strong, silent type" moments and Downey is at his best when he doesn't shut up.

Tomorrow's Harry Potter day, like anybody needed to be told that. We've all been waiting for this story to wrap up for almost as long as we've been waiting for Emma Watson to be legally old enough to have a sex tape released. The good news is that this is the last chapter if you don't count the other last chapter coming out next year. The bad news is that they're doing the same "chop it into two movies" gimmick for the last Twilight adaptation.

I've been wondering how long it would take Hollywood to come out with a Man from U.N.C.L.E. movie. I used to watch those reruns every day when I came home from school and to this day I really like that show so, naturally, I'm petrified with fear because of the near-certainty that it will be ruined by the modern day Hollywood blockbuster treatment. The good news is that it may be directed by Steven Soderbergh. Still, deals like this can ruined by just about anything. Soderbergh could refuse to sign onto this for reasons as varied as dissatisfaction with the script to the Sun being in his eyes.

Michael Caine was asked in an interview recently what he thought his worst movie was and he didn't hesitate to say The Swarm. If you've never heard of it, it's a lame 1970s action film about killer bees and was made in response to overblown reports of South American "super bees" that were supposedly migrating to the United States. The makers of this movie took an Oscar nominated director, a successful veteran writer and a cast of some of the best and most successful actors of that day and managed to take all those elements for success and turn them into, by all accounts**, a godawfully dull movie. It is a critical and box office failure so, naturally, it's going to be remade. Meanwhile, Alfred Bester's The Demolished Man still hasn't been made into a movie and yes, I probably will mention every week from now on.

*If these names mean nothing to you, congratulations. You had an interesting childhood and not one locked away in your room reading comic books.

**I haven't seen it myself but I'll take the word of some old reviews I just read.

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