Hey all, Götterdamerung here. Once again, Michael "Moore" Clear has threatened the American way of life with one of his allegedly apolitical reviews. I suppose he'll whine about how he made no political comments but, as we at Bushpocalypse.org constantly point out, taking no political stand is one of the most common tactics used by modern day traitors and those sympathetic to the jihadist lifestyle. If Michael "Kos" Clear loved America, he would fill his reviews with supportive statements about the Iraq War or firm denunciations of gay marriage no matter what the plot of the movie was. For example, he could have written, "In Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Indiana Jones stands up against his enemies in much the same way that America must keep standing against Iraqi insurgents. Also, gay marriage is bad."
However, there's plenty in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to get any full blooded patriot's blood boiling with red, white and blue rage. The fact that anyone could write a review of Crystal Skull and not mention its blatant anti-American attitudes can only be explained if the reviewer is someone who hopes that Osama bin Laden is going to ask him to the prom.
The movie opens with an American military installation under siege from terrorists. Personally, I think every movie should start this way. Hollywood could do much worse than to remind everyone that they should be constantly terrified of the terrorist threat and that the only way to keep from dying from a hijacked plane being flown right into your crotch is to give George W. Bush a third term. Unfortunately, the movie takes its flawless premise and does such horrible things to it that you just know the writers were spitting on American flags the whole time they were working on this script.
Sure, Indiana Jones is fighting terrorists but not the Muslo-fascites who are even now plotting to arm every one of the Earth's billion Islamic automatons with their very own nuclear weapon. No, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas have become Mecca's latest useful idiots by ignoring the Muslims in our midst and making the villains something that they call "Communists." The movie is set in 1957 and I admit that I mostly slept in history class having wonderful dreams where Ronald Reagan and I would dance naked in a field of daisies trying desperately to resist our unnatural urges until we finally and gloriously gave in...what was I talking about? Oh yeah. I'm pretty certain that they had Muslims back in 1957 so there was no reason to take some obscure group and act like they were people worthy of fighting Indiana Jones. I think the movie said they were from Russia which would have made them illegal immigrants and normally I'd admire a movie that took a stand on de-porousing our porous borders but Wikipedia says that they don't speak Spanish in Russia which makes them the wrong kind of illegal immigrant and pretty much negates any political points that Crystal Skull could score with me.
So here we have Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Harrison Ford forming a cinematic axis of evil by trying to tell us that we don't have to fear the people who want us all to wear turbans, eat couscous and worship a god who wasn't born of a virgin like every right thinking person knows He was. Instead, they want us to be afraid of a society where everyone is comrades with everyone else and all are guaranteed a job which frankly sounds AWEsOME! I can imagine all my fellow conservatives embracing these "Communists" and eventually creating a workers paradise to which Michael Clear and his latte sipping liberal buddies will not be invited.
1 comment:
There have actually been conservative complaints about Indy 4 because it has references to McCarthyism but I decided to show that I can be crazier than they are.
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