Friday, August 7, 2009

Kobayashi Moron

Today, I comment on yet another unintentionally hilarious article from conservative movie site Big Hollywood. They seem to be getting into a habit over there of favorably comparing Sarah Palin to famous science fiction characters. This time last month, Kurt Schlichter compared her to Obi-Wan Kenobi, a fellow who, against the advice of Yoda and the Jedi elders, insisted on training a kid who grew up to wipe out the Jedi Order and plunge the galaxy into decades of rule under a mad emperor. Hmm, that doesn't seem like a favorable comparison at all. Anyway, today we have another Big Hollywood regular, Leigh Scott, comparing Sarah Palin to Captain Kirk.
Then, as Sarah Palin announced her resignation, it hit me. Sarah Palin is Captain Kirk. Why? Because she just passed the Kobayashi Maru.
Oh goodie, another Big Hollywood attempt to spin Sarah Palin quitting her job as Alaska Governor as an act of victory and triumph by comparing it to something that never happened. In this case, that "something" is the Kobayashi Maru. For those of you who, unlike me, didn't devote your lives to Star Trek fandom, the Kobayashi Maru is a test given to Starfleet cadets to see how they handle unwinnable situations. It was revealed back in Star Trek II (and further dramatized in the recent Star Trek movie) that James Kirk became the only cadet in the history of Starfleet to beat the simulation after he rigged the program to make it possible for it to be beaten. Since none of that has jackshit to do with Sarah Palin quitting her job, you can see Leigh Scott's problem with trying to compare this fictional scenario to Sarah Palin's real life one. One does have to admire the mental leaps and bounds he makes, to do so. It's a type of thinking you normally only see in a schizophrenic.
Palin was faced with her own Kobayashi Maru. How could she effectively govern the state of Alaska while facing ridiculous ethics charges and the scrutiny of the national media? How could she increase her exposure in the lower 48 while staying true to the people in Alaska who elected her?...But Palin defied them. She changed not her strategy, but the very rules. She resigned her position, turning the state over to her loyal Lieutenant Governor to continue the plans and policies she put into motion. Like any good story, it was an unexpected twist, yet when viewed in retrospect it was the only way it could play out.
Okay, not bad, but here's the best part.
The notion that a candidate with scant command of policy, who either lacks experience or didn’t complete the duties of their elected position, is doomed to failure doesn’t take into account a little thing I call history. In 2008 this nation elected a President who spent the majority of his Senate term campaigning for his next gig. I only wish he had the class, respect, and decency for and towards his constituents to resign.
This is why I read Big Hollywood. When Leigh Scott boasted about his awesome grasp of history, it was one of the most unintentionally funny things I had ever seen on that site. Yeah, let's discuss this awesome thing called history. True, Barack Obama didn't have the, "class, respect, and decency for and towards his constituents to resign," his Senate seat while he campaigned for the Presidency. I can imagine Scott reading and rereading that sentence, probably using it as wanking material. What I'm sure Scott doesn't realize is that John McCain was also so lacking in respect for his constituents that he also neglected to resign his Senate seat when he ran for President, a fact that Master of History Leigh Scott was too busy jacking off to mention. And hey, history buffs, you know who also didn't resign from her job while she campaigned as McCain's running mate. Oh yes, Sarah Motherfucking Palin lacked the class, respect, and decency for and towards her constituents to resign.
Palin passed the Kobayashi Maru. She is qualified to command the ship. She has all the qualities we want in a captain; valor, principals, vision and most of all, the ability to change the rules.

...Go ahead. Write her off. Make a joke out of her. Be my guest. But that would be about as smart as marooning Captain Kirk on Seti Alpha V.

We all know how well that worked out for Khan don’t we?
Yes we do. Then again, Khan was a fictional character whose fate was controlled by a filmmakers who saw to it that James Kirk would be victorious over him. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is a real person who doesn't have Gene Roddenberry looking out for her. She's a dingbat who can't even answer the question, "What newspapers do you read?" without embarrassing herself and thought that the American people would hand her the Vice Presidency if she just smiled, winked and implied that Obama was a terrorist. That worked out so well for her that she now has no political power whatsoever.

I'm sure history buffs like Leigh Scott can tell you what happened the last time someone tried this. Bob Dole resigned his Senate seat in 1996 to run for President, a move that worked out so well that he was beaten by a lecherous hillbilly. And that ends today's history lesson. Live long and prosper!

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