I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. I was going to take this even further but I just can't go on. For the last several months, I've been playing an elaborate joke on the entire planet. I never thought it would work or get this far yet, here we are.
There is no movie called 2012. Its existence was made up. By me.
Yes yes, I know. You've all seen the commercials of the Sistine Chapel and the White House being destroyed. Did it all on my iPhone. Man, those phones can do anything. Maybe you're wondering how I could afford to buy all that commercial time. Shows what you know. All I had to do was tell them these were public service ads for a charity that raises money for people who can't wipe their own asses. They never even checked. The big question is: how did I get actors like John Cusack and Amanda Peet to go along with this joke. Answer: I didn't. You'd be surprised what you can accomplish with a little makeup and a lot of Mexican day laborers.
So, there it is. I was planning on making everyone buy a ticket only to have them see a short film of me saying, "SURPRISE!" before you were refunded your money but enough is enough. Seriously, did any of you really think someone would spend millions of dollars to make some stupid action film based on Mayan death prophecies? Yeah, they might, but here's the real kicker. There never was a race of people called the Mayans. Yep, that was all me. I've been planning this for decades. It was remarkably easy to make up some pictures of ruins and pieces of pottery then get journals like Nature to publish my articles about the so-called "long dead Mayan civilization" and their prophecies that the world would end in 2012.
Anyway, here's hoping you've all gotten a good laugh out of this and that there are no hard feelings. I'm sorry if you were looking forward to seeing this movie. You can always go see A Christmas Carol or The Men Who Stare At Goats or just wait until next week and see New Moon. Hee hee, New Moon. Okay, I should confess now that New Moon is also one of my jo...no better save it till next week.