Friday, November 20, 2009

How To Annoy Twilight Fans

New Moon has finally arrived in theaters. Since Twilight fans have seen fit to annoy me over the past year by taking a series of poorly written novels and a crappy movie and raising them to the level of cultural phenomenon, I will now return the favor and give you all some phrases guaranteed to annoy Twilight fans.
The vampires sparkle? Oh, that's rich. Like I would fall for that.
I won't say which one, but one of the vampires gets killed by Snape.
Why would Edward want Bella when he could get someone way hotter?
I'm really looking forward to Edward's lightsabre battle with Wolverine.
I've heard in New Moon we finally find out exactly what the Smoke Monster is.
Do you think Edward and Bella will survive after the neutrinos in the Earth's core cause the continents to displace?
Why do they have to walk to Mordor when Edward could just turn into a bat and fly the One Ring into Mt. Doom?
Does Edward finally come out of the closet in this story or is that in Breaking Dawn?
Is the douchebag level of the characters higher or lower in this sequel?
Do girls actually fall in love with you when you tell them that they smell so good you want to brutally murder them?

No comments: