It's Election Day across the country and I need your help. I have decided to enter the political ring here in New York state so if you live there or know anyone who does then you can support my candidacy. I am running for the vaunted office of State Boob Inspector. If I win, it will be my responsibility to check out women's boobs throughout New York. This will not be something I do lightly or for personal pleasure but, rather, to someday be able to look into the eyes of my children and grandchildren and tell them that yeah, I made a difference.
One problem was that, when I went to register my candidacy, they kept insisting I couldn't as there was no elected office called State Boob Inspector. I then said to just register me for whichever politician is responsible for checking the breasts of every woman in New York state and they said there was no such office. This leaves me with only one option: Write-In Candidacy.
Sure, there may not be a State Boob Inspector now but I'm betting that, if they get enough write-in votes for me, in must be in the Constitution or something that they'd have to create one. I'm figuring about a million votes state-wide would accomplish this goal so, if you are a million registered New York voters or if you know a million of them, encourage them to write in a vote for me, Michael "The Mikester" Clear for New York State Boob Inspector. If I win, I'll start inspecting boobs tonight before I'm even sworn in.