"You know something I absolutely love that never, ever gets old? I think it's just great when people ask me if the Force is real and it's possible to actually become a Jedi. Really, you're neither stupid or insane to ask something like that so keep doing it."
"No, I don't mind at all that you just walked up to me in a restaurant and felt free to interrupt my meal to inform me that a parsec is actually a unit of distance and not a unit of time. Jesus, it was thirty years ago. Let it go."
"Greedo actually did shoot first, you say? Huh, no shit, really? I'm the guy who wrote both versions yet I had no idea so it's a good thing you came along. Dumbass."
"You think Lord of the Rings was better than Star Wars? Then why the hell aren't you bothering Peter Jackson instead of me?"
"You want me to take your Star Wars fanfiction home with me? Why not, I need something to wipe my ass with."
"What was I thinking when I made Howard the Duck? I only reveal that information to people I've kicked in face. Still want to know?"
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was hated by everyone, you say? Gosh, I was too busy counting the 800 million dollars in worldwide grosses to notice that."
"What sort of direction did I give Harrison Ford just before we encased him in carbonite? How the fuck should I know? Do you know how long ago that was? What were you thinking back in 1980?"
"How could an organization as ruthlessly efficient as the Galactic Empire that's run by a guy who can see the future allow the design flaw that allowed Luke to blow up the Death Star? Suck my dick, that's how."
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