My Oscar Predictions

The Academy Awards starts in just a couple of hours. I don't like to do Oscar predictions because I'm usually wrong, but what the hell! Here are my predictions for what will happen tonight:

1. At least two sex symbol young actresses will show up loaded and inadvertently flash their vaginas to the paparazzi.
2. Daniel Day Lewis will be greeted by a crowd of screaming people shaking milkshakes around. When he sees them, he'll say, "Fuck, this is my career from now on, isn't it."
3. Juno star Ellen Page will be described as "adorable" no matter what she's wearing. She could show up wearing a barrel and the runway correspondents would say, "Just like her character in Juno, Ellen Page makes a quirky statement by wearing a barrel yet still manages to look adorable."
4. If Juno doesn't win, chat rooms, forums and MySpace pages all across the internet will immediately proclaim that the Academy members wouldn't know quality if quality stuck its fingers up their asses and gave them all rectal exams.

If I'm right on all 4, everyone reading this must send me 5 dollars.