There are oh so very many reasons why I'm not looking forward to an upcoming big screen adaptation of The Smurfs but there's one that really stands out. It's not that The Smurfs is a retarded concept that was turned into a soul destroying cartoon several years back. It's not that the soul destroying cartoon had enough fans who actually enjoyed it that the movie could turn into a hit. It's not that the samples of the CGI we've seen so far look lame which gives the movie the potential of being even stupider than the TV show.
No, what I'm really dreading is what I believe that films critics and entertainment reporters will do when speaking of it. I know in my heart that a number close to 100% of them will copy that stupid Smurf gimmick of taking various words when speaking and replacing them with the word Smurf. "It's the Smurfiest Smurf I ever Smurfed," will be a common sight in newspapers and websites. Morning show hosts like Meredith Viera, when introducing voice actors that they're interviewing, will describe them as, "the most positively Smurfy actors working today." If you like it, you'll say it made you feel, "joyfully Smurfy," and if you hated it you'll say it was, "a huge, steaming pile of Smurf." Hell, look at the title of this post. I absolutely hate all that crap yet I couldn't resist doing it myself.
The whole Smurf craze died out years ago and we, as a society, became better for it. Now, I watch as our world once again jumps into the Smurf abyss, quietly weeping because I know what's about to happen. This must be what it's like to be God.
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