Once again I've heard from right wing blogger Gotterdamerung. GD is no longer associated with Bushpocalypse.org due to the fact that the conservative groups who had been funding it realized that, and I quote, "Our money would be better spent if we just gave it away as toilet paper." GD has now set up his own website called TwilightOfTheLiberals.com and his very first post was the following review of The Dark Knight that he insists I reprint here to serve as "balance" to what he insists is my wrongheaded view of what may be the most important movie ever. My response is, sure, gives me more to play World of Warcraft. So, here is Gotterdamerung.
Hey all, Gotterdamerung here. I know it's been weeks since the last time you've all heard from me and it's all because of The Dark Knight. When I saw that movie, I was so overwhelmed that I passed out and, when I awoke, I'm not at all embarrassed to say that I had the longest and most powerful erection of my life. I consider this to be the normal response that any patriotic American male would have upon seeing The Dark Knight. For weeks now, I've been masturbating non-stop to what I can assure you is a perfectly heterosexual reaction to the sight of the wonderful, perfect, beautiful Christian Bale beating up the Joker played by the wonderful, perfect, beautiful Heath Ledger. I'm sure all the Democrat gay-boys out there think this is crazy behavior but that's because they don't understand the worldview of a conservative who truly loves all things manly. Finally, I've regained a sufficient amount of my senses to tell you all that you must see The Dark Knight or just admit to the world that you hate America.
The true meaning of The Dark Knight is obvious to anyone who doesn't worship Michael Moore or think that global warming is real. Batman is clearly meant to symbolize George W. Bush and the Joker is clearly based on a combination of Osama bin Laden and Barack Obama. The Osama part is clear because he's a crafty sadist bent on the destruction of all things good which translates as all things Christian and Obama because he speaks flowery language, becomes a huge celebrity and wears makeup which means he's girly just like Obama.
The Dark Knight explains to us all why we should give George W. Bush a third term. First off, Batman wants to stay and fight the Joker whereas all those pansy ass liberals would probably want to pull all police and other law enforcement agencies out of Gotham and just leave our innocent civilian allies there to the mercy of the Joker. This would have been Barack Obama's strategy had he been a) in charge of Gotham City and b) not already being represented in this movie by the Joker. Batman/Bush wants to face the Joker head on whereas Obama would have wanted to fight the Joker by giving a speech and making sure his tires were properly inflated. The choice as to which strategy would have worked is obvious.
Another similarity is that, like Bush, Batman only fails when his ideology is impure. Batman has many opportunities to kill the Joker but instead tries to apprehend him. In the real world, Bush could have just nuked the parts of Iraq that didn't have oil but instead he tried to occupy it and found that the populace we just bombed into freedom didn't appreciate us enough to become the 51st state. This should serve as the ultimate example that conservative theories cannot fail; they can only be failed.
The Dark Knight also shows us how our enemies, if given the chance, can corrupt the precious bodily fluids of the good and decent circulatory system that is America. We see this in the character of Harvey Dent, Gotham's District Attorney who, at first, seems to symbolically represent Dick Cheney by the way he takes on the roots of Gotham City's underworld by any means necessary. However, after he unpatriotically allows the Joker to kill his girlfriend and burn half his face off, he becomes the villain Two-Face and stands as a symbol for liberals everywhere who are both atheists and Muslims at the same time. Only Bat W. Man can defeat this menace and, like Bush, sees his poll numbers go down for doing so.
People out there clearly anticipated this good review from me and The Dark Knight has broken all box office records as a result. Hopefully, the result will be that Americans out there will ignore that silly 22nd Amendment, a part of the Constitution that has never been truly tested, and write in the name of George W. Bush this coming election day. John McCain is too old and, when bills like universal health care wind up on his desk, would sign it into law by accident instead of vetoing it. Universal health care will be easy under an Obama administration since the black people will have plenty of money from his plan to give them reparations for slavery and all other races will be forced into death camps.
The choice is clear, America.
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