Friday, February 26, 2010

Zombie Apocalypse

There are too many zombie movies and they are having an effect on society. Well, they're having an effect on me anyway. This is what happened to me today when my power went out at noon today. I take no responsibility for my reactions but instead choose to blame Hollywood.

12:00 -- Power goes out.

12:01 -- I calmly wait for the power to come back on.

12:03 -- Power still not on. My conclusion: the Zombie Apocalypse has begun and they have taken out the power plant.

12:04 -- Luckily we have all been educated on how to handle zombies. You shoot them in the head. Going to get my gun.

12:06 -- After a brief search, I remembered I don't own a gun. Damn me and my liberal anti-gun beliefs!

12:07 -- I'm glad now I agreed to store my mother's garden gnome collection for her. I am prepared to chuck garden gnomes at the head of any zombie that comes after me.

12:09 -- I wish I could see the street from my apartment. To think I paid extra for this mountain view. What the hell was I thinking? I bet the streets are crawling with hsmabling zombies as I speak.

12:11 -- I want to call my mom and see if she's okay but what if she's already a zombie? She'll be here licketysplit and turn me into a buffet. Sorry, Mom. If I see you, I'll have to crack your head open with one of your garden gnomes.

12:13 -- I see a possum. They're not usually out during the day. A zombie possum? It could happen. Would they eat humans or other possums? Keeping a garden gnome handy just in case.

12:14 -- Damn, just ate my last M&M. Wonder if I'll end up like Woody Harrelson did with Twinkies. I can see myself scouring a zombie-ridden world looking for M&Ms. Hopefully I can get a decent rifle before I start doing that. Carrying these gnomes around would be a huge pain.

12:15 -- Power came back on. Turned on the news. No mention of zombies. Oh well, that's one on me. Honest mistake.

Later on I did see the mailman coming up the walk and tossed a gnome at his head just in case. Luckily I missed, he turned out not to be a zombie and he accepted my explanation that I was giving him the gnome as a gift. Mom's gonna be mad that I gave away one of her gnomes. You can all see why they should stop making zombie movies. I can't possibly be blamed for thinking what I was thinking.

No comments: