Thursday, October 28, 2010

Look At My Briefs -- 10/28/10

Remember folks that next Tuesday is Election Day and that it is your civic duty to go to the polls and vote for another edition of my brief comments on various subjects I like to call Look At My Briefs.

Disney is apparently considering dropping Keith Richards from the latest chapter in that never-ending story called Pirates of the Caribbean because of past drug use. I normally wouldn't care except for the fact that I honestly can't recall a single moment of the last Pirates installment except for the brief scene where Richards showed up as Jack Sparrow's father. Seriously, did the rest of that movie even happen? Then again, no other person in the history of the planet has taken drugs including the other cast members, producers or even the very Disney executives who will be making the decision mere minutes after not snorting coke off a hooker's ass.

In yet another attempt for Rupert Murdoch to pretend that the old, withered peanut between his legs is still the massive didgeridoo it was back when he was a boy in Australia poking koalas with a stick, his company, NewsCorp, is threatening to not cover movies at all if its various media outlets don't have access to the movie stars. Seriously studios, call their bluff because a bluff is exactly what it is. You think they're going to stand silently by and watch the ratings and circulation numbers of their competitors rise when people who, for some reason, just have to see clips and screencaps of the latest Transformers movie all because Shia LaBeouf won't agree to be interviewed so he can say things like, "I really had fun making this," and, "Making this was loads of fun," and, "Michael Bay was so much fun to work with"? What I expect you movie folks to do is withhold those massive ad budgets from the Fox Network and see how long it is before NewsCorp starts running those precious puff pieces again.

Dear Hollywood: Really? I mean, I know the kid's popular and all, but, really?

SighFigh has canceled Caprica. Good. It was a flawed but decent show. I could just never get past the fact that, 60 years down the road, the actions taking place now were going to lead these people to prehistoric Earth where they would fuck Neanderthals according to the will of God.

Big Hollywood has been tying itself up in knots trying to pretend that this Saturday's Rally to Restore Sanity is a big fat dumb stupid thing stupid that no one takes seriously and no one will show up to anyway. Meanwhile, in the real world, crowd sizes are being estimated at being somewhere around 150,000 which is over 50,000 more than Glenn Beck's Whitestock event that happened back in August and was celebrated as the greatest thing ever by Big Hollywood. I've been experiencing many moments of schadenfreude recently and I wonder if it's possible to get hooked on it.

Speaking of shadenfreude, there was a time when groups like the Parents Television Council could threaten to never use toilet paper again if any toilet paper companies advertised on shows they found offensive and said advertisers would take them seriously but that time has passed. Television networks have too much on their plates these days to worry about a group of prudish tightasses threatening to sick their flying monkeys on them. They have to worry about competitors like HBO and Adult Swim taking away all their viewers by broadcasting donkey shows and don't have much worry left to spare over some self-appointed bluenose group trying not to look crazy when they say that pictures of two of the 24 year old stars of Glee posing in their underwear constitutes pedophilia.

Sure, disappointment with the last three films aside, I'd love to see new Star Wars films. I'm just worried that Lucas didn't learn anything from Episodes 1, 2 and 3 and will make them about the Sith instigating an intergalactic Teamsters strike.

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