Thursday, February 10, 2011

Look At My Briefs -- 2/10/11

No, I will not be seeing the Justin Bieber movie. If you were hoping to see either one of my ever-so-fun scathing negative reviews or the much less likely possibility that I would have written the words, "His angelic voice sings me up to Heaven," sorry. As compensation, please enjoy another edition of my brief comments on various subjects I like to call Look At My Briefs.

Let's start by laughing at the MPAA actually sending Google a notice threatening to cut off their internet access. Stuff like that only works on the powerless, guys. Thanks for the laugh, though.

I complain about sequels and remakes not because I think the originals (for the most part) were so sacred and pristine that to continue or retell the story is akin to blasphemy. Rather, I don't like sequels or remakes because that's all you freaking see anymore and they drive out more interesting original projects. That being said, if you're going to do such things, Fantastic Voyage is the type of movie that should be remade. It's a so-so film that could definitely be made better. Not that it's necessarily going to be, especially since Shawn Levy, director of the remake of The Pink Panther, has been hired to do this one. That does not bode well but maybe Levy will surprise us. If he does...the odds against him surprising us are huge so I got nothing.

If you'd listened to me when I told you that making Spider-Man into a Broadway musical was a dumb idea, you wouldn't be here trying to defend yourself against the predictable lousy reviews. Just be glad that no one's been critically injured lately and move on.

The really bad news is Arianna Huffington discovering that the $315 million dollars is going to be paid out in free AOL time.

She was joking, assholes. Once again, I seem to be the only who figured out that a celebrity told a joke that entertainment reporters en masse decide to take out of context and report as if it was true, the joke in this case being Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence saying she was attracted to her brother. Yes, Hollywood Reporter, Jennifer Lawrence is such an inbred Kentucky hillbilly that she thought nothing of telling the world she wants to ride her brother and zeroing in on that part of her Rolling Stone interview was damn fine journalism on your part. She's done one frigging movie and you're already trying to drive her out of the business. The actual interview was bad enough because Rolling Stone used a low cut bathing suit picture of her that would have been very sexy except that she looked like she'd been up for three days and forced to stand on a nail. Odd, I feel very protective of Jennifer Lawrence. I hope it's me being paternal and not because I want to ejaculate on her.

Apparently, every movie being made for the next two years is about Snow White.

Fox's The Chicago Code was very good, something I hardly ever say about a television show's pilot episode. The characters were interesting, the jokes were funny and I was interested if and how the good guys will eventually bring down a corrupt alderman. I really liked it which naturally means it premiered to very soft ratings. Enjoy the ripoff of Biggest Loser that Fox will use as its replacement if they cancel it, America.

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