Thursday, September 11, 2008

Right Wing Movie Reviews -- Babylon A.D.

I was again contacted by right wing blogger Götterdamerung from the website Usually he's very businesslike but this time around he was close to being in some sort of frenzy and wasn't making a lot of sense. For instance, he kept telling me I was talking too loud even though our entire conversation took place through email. Anyway, I gleaned from his ravings that he wanted space to respond to my recent review of Babylon A.D. so here is his response. -- MC

Hi all, Götterdamerung here. When I first saw Babylon A.D. I couldn't stand it. I actually agreed with the liberal critics (and you know that they're liberals because they're critics HA! Lord that was funny) that the movie was slow, boring and confusing and yet, it premiered at the number one slot. Why? I just couldn't figure it out until Wednesday night of the Republican National Convention when I saw Sarah Palin. That was when I realized it. I don't know how the producers of Babylon knew who she was, what she represented or even how they knew that she was going to be John McCain's VP choice, but they did. Symbolically speaking, Babylon A.D. is the story of Sarah Palin.

First off, Sarah Palin is AWESOME. She believes everything I believe. I've often said that the only hope for this country is to give George W. Bush a third term but I say that no longer since Sarah Palin would BE George W. Bush's third term. She believes everything I believe. She believes that we have too many taxes and not enough wars. She thinks that we should ban books we don't like and use our power against our enemies. She wants English to be America's official language since that's the language Jesus spoke. Hell, we both even want Alaska to secede from the Union. I, too, think that it's about time that rape victims should pay their fair share if they expect society to track down their rapists. I say, let them get their lazy asses off those rape gurneys and find a damn job instead of whining about how they've been victimized. I even had a dream about Sarah Palin that I believe was a revelation from Jesus. In the dream, the Spartan King Leonidas and I sexually please Queen Sarah and, afterward, she orders us to make rough, passionate love for her amusement and we oblige. Remember, I said this came from Jesus so it couldn't possibly be gay.

When the movie opens, we see Vin Diesel's character, Toorop, walking through the streets of some rundown city. Toorop is a tough, masculine man who tries to make his own way in the world but is depressed because the world is not what it once was and he has lost all hope that it will ever be good again. Toorop is clearly meant to represent the modern Republican Party. Toorop is given a difficult if not impossible job of transporting a girl from Mongolia to New York in much the same way that the Republicans were given the job of getting John McCain elected. That's when we meet the girl. Aurora is beautiful and mysterious with powers and abilities we don't fully understand. Clearly, Toorop did not give her a proper vetting before he agreed to take the job and now he is stuck with her but then again, vetting is not part of Toorop's mavericky style. On the way they fight two factions of villains, a strange and powerful, elitist Messianic figure that represents Barack Obama and a group of violent gangsters who represent the liberal media. Both sides try desperately to destroy Aurora but they fail because she and a re-energized Toorop prove to be too powerful for them. We even find out that Aurora may be brought down by an unplanned pregnancy but, thanks to her determination and the willingness of those around her to redefine their core beliefs and think that such a thing is normal and acceptable, the pregnancy that should have brought her down instead becomes her greatest strength and she is able to unleash her full power and fury on her enemies.

You may be wondering why the producers of Babylon A.D. sinply didn't make The Sarah Palin Story and instead chose to cloak their conservative folk tale in the guise of science fiction allegory. The answer is that Liberal Hollyweird would never have allowed them to do so. Conservatives are persecuted in Hollywood in the same way that Jews were persecuted by the Nazis except that conservatives have it worse. If that's not true, why isn't there a single prominent conservative who dares to openly express his or her right wing beliefs? If you ask people like Jon Voight, Adam Sandler, Ray Romano and Kelsey Grammer, proud conservatives all, they'll tell you that they dare not let anyone find out about their political leanings lest their careers end. Voight has supported many right wing causes and even endorsed Republican Presidential candidates, first Guiliani and then John McCain, and as punishment he has only been allowed to star in three of the top grossing movies of the past four years, Transformers and the two National Treasure movies. Why was he not cast in Iron Man or The Dark Knight? Clearly the leftie cowards who run the movie world got their revenge. Gary Sinise even runs a secret club that no one knows about called Friends of Abe where Hollywood conservatives get together to talk about how they will all be shunned if anyone ever finds out about their political orientation. The only decent role Sinise himself can get these days is the starring role on CSI: New York, a spin-off of one of the most popular television shows of all time. Clearly, these are dark days for Hollywood conservatives but people like Sarah Palin and movies like Babylon A.D. show us that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I encourage everyone to go to multiple viewings of Babylon A.D. to show their support for Sarah Palin and to say, "Take that, you elitist prigs," to the Democrats. Remember that McCain is 72 and has had 4 bouts with cancer so his odds of surviving to the end of his Presidency are not good so we will most likely get President Palin. (Oh, if you hear a liberal say that, be sure to accuse him or her of ageism.)

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