Friday, September 19, 2008

Something Rotten In The State of Dane-Mark

And I am vindicated. Ever since May, I've been saying that Dane Cook's My Best Friend's Girl was going to suck in a way that would redefine the word "suck" in such a way that people would no longer use the word "suck" and would instead start using the word "Dane." For example:
  • "This steak is horrible." "Yeah man, it totally Danes."
  • "This milkshake is so thick it's hard to Dane it through the straw."
  • "Baby, if you loved me, you would Dane me."

Mr. Melting Porcelain Vagina Face can make all the excuses he wants now (and I'm sure he will) but none of them will help. The only good thing about this is that Cook will no longer have to put up with people saying that Good Luck Chuck was the worst movie he's ever made.

I like to think that, in some small way, I brought about the fierce and terrible judgment that Cook is now experiencing but no, he didn't need me for that. His gross, misogynistic and Just-Plain-Evil comedy was enough to bring him down. I may actually go see this now because I'm sure I would be alone in the theater and I like it when that happens and it would be a distinct pleasure to rip this movie a new one, or at least to take the new one that everyone else has ripped into it and make it just a tad wider.

Anyway, enjoy watching Ghost Town or Lakeview Terrace or maybe your second or third viewing of Dark Knight or Tropic Thunder. If you get a soda and it seems a little salty, you are probably tasting Dane Cook's tears.

1 comment:

Michael Clear said...

Yeah, I hate Dane Cook. Was it that obvious?