Hate Dane

I would show you the Tomatometer's rating for the new Dane Cook film, My Best Friend's Girl, but as of this writing it's blank. That means that no advance screenings were given to critics and that means the studio thinks it sucks so badly that the Earth itself would explode if critics actually reviewed it. I have also noticed that ads for the movie are suspiciously free of quotes from praising critics. Movies like this can usually bypass Roger Ebert and find someone like Bob Bukey of the Boise Possum to say, "I laughed so hard I wet myself," but not this time. At this point, I feel like tooting my own horn about how some of us were on to this back in May.

Of course, if it does flop, it will have nothing whatsoever to do with Cook having oral sex with a burrito* but instead will be due to the Baldwin-free poster in which Cook schizophrenically believed that he looked like some sort of horrid melting vagina with perfect skin. Oh well, people will have to somehow get through their weekend with seeing Kate Hudson being emotionally abused by some asshole boyfriend who hires an asshole to treat her like an asshole so that, like an asshole, she runs back to the first asshole.

Oh, if you see My Best Friend's Girl and you liked it, for the sake of society, please keep it to yourself.

*Apparently, this was an ad lib on Cook's part that, instead of making everyone on the set retch, made them laugh instead so they kept it in. I'm assuming everyone on the set was on what must have been the most awesome drugs ever made.