Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm Rich, Bitch

I think it was 2002 when 10 women in France stopped riding the bus and started carpooling with each other instead. This resulted in a French bus company suing them for illegal competition. I'm guessing that when Turkish Mayor Huseyin Kalkan heard what some consider to be the stupidest lawsuit ever brought on the planet, he said, "I can top that."

Huseyin Kalkan is the mayor of a city in Turkey called Batman. Yes, Batman is the name of the town. Mayor Kalkan seems to be pretty proud of his little town and whatever the hell it is they do there. So proud, in fact, the he feels no one and nothing else on the planet should be called Batman. This has caused Mayor Kalkan to announce his intent to sue Warner Brothers and director Christopher Nolan for a share of the profits from The Dark Knight. I share his frustration on this subject. I remember how annoyed I was last summer when I entered the theater expecting to see a movie about some Turkish goatherds and instead had to endure two hours of watching a psychopathic clown and a dude in a rubber suit beat up on each other. Having said that, I'm not sure whether Kalkan is stupid, ignorant or some combination of both. This could be a foolish, pointless quest to gain millions of lira or if it's just some little stunt he's pulling and would be willing to settle for a loaf of simmit bread and a case of raki. All I know is that I'm behind Mayor Kalkan 150%.

Why, you ask? Simple. If he winds up with big bucks out of this, it opens the door for me. I can sue for that John Travolta angel flick Michael and the adaptation of Tom Clancy's book Clear and Present Danger. I'll have so much money that I can stop going to the cheap whores and start using those Elliot Spitzer girls and if I get an STD, I'll just hire someone to get sick for me. Oh yeah, that's possible.

So, if anyone out there knows Hueyin Kalkan, please tell him that Michael Clear says, "Le apoyo, hermano," and yes, I know that's Spanish but I don't know how to say, "I support you, brother," in Turkish. Some people in Turkey must speak Spanish and he can ask one of them what it means. Just do it.

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