Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Coming out this week is Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa. My question is: weren't they already in Africa when Madagascar 1 ended? I suspect Dreamworks thinks we're stupid and won't notice. Based on that assumption, I call upon my minuscule readership to BOYCOTT DREAMWORKS until those greedy bastards decide it's time to pay us some respect.

Ok, that's done. Truth be told, if you broke me down to the molecular level, you wouldn't find so much as an atom in me that gives a crap about the plot of Madagascar 2. The true purpose of this post is to see how many hits I get from people at Dreamworks. You may laugh but back in June when I wrote my "Boycott WALL·E" posts I got several hits from both Disney and Pixar employees who I'm guessing were thinking that this was the start of some massive online movement to crush their multi million dollar investment.

Dreamworks employees, now that I have your attention, let me pitch to you my idea for your next big animated blockbuster. It's about a world populated entirely by living accordions. I'm assuming they came to life after all human life was exterminated by some sort of nuclear or biological holocaust and yeah, I know, too gruesome for the kids but we can work that out in story conferencing. Anyhoo, all the intelligent accordions are forced by society to play Lady Of Spain non stop. There's this one accordion who's kind of a teenage outcast type who's called...um...Bob. Crap, I don't know but again, this is what story conferences are for, am I right?

One day, Bob hears the rain beating rhythmically against his roof and sets the beat to music, inventing rock and roll. All the other teenage accordions are instantly entranced by Bob's newfound musical talents including this super hot girl accordion that Bob has a crush on. Some douchebag accordion jock who hates Bob alerts all the older accordions about this musical heresy. They forbid this "rolling and rocking" that all the kids were doing and banish Bob but Bob comes back during some big accordion festival, makes some syrupy speech about how, "We must squeeze the music out of ourselves or else why bother to live at all?" After that, they all start singing and dancing to the new Rolling Rock music, everyone hates the douchebag jock and Bob fucks the girl and yeah, I know but again, story conferencing.

I'm sure you'll want to option this immediately, Dreamworks, so feel free to contact me through the email address to the right. Hopefully, I won't delete you along with the spam announcements I get from your company now.

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