Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Right Wing Movie Reviews -- Role Models

Regular readers know that from time to time I am contacted by a conservative from the right wing website TwilightOfTheDemocrats.com who blogs under the name Gotterdamerung. He hasn't been commenting on movies lately since he was blogging furiously on behalf of John McCain and Sarah Palin. A couple of his posts even gained a bit of fame, especially one where he theorizes that the father of Barack Obama's daughters was actually William Ayers. Anyway, he wanted to respond to yesterday's review of Role Models but I do have to warn you that his review, to put it politely, goes off the rails.

Hi all, Gotterdamerung here. Role Models will go down in history as the movie that sparked the beginning of the end of the failed Obama Presidency. It's about two friends named Danny and Wheeler. Life isn't working out for Danny and he doesn't really know why. He does everything he's supposed to do and yet things don't work out the way they're supposed to. In this way, Danny is a lot like the Republican Party. You think there's no hope for Danny or for the Republicans but it turns out that the key to turning things around is right in front of both of them. For Danny, it's his friend Wheeler. For the Republicans, it's Sarah Palin. Wheeler is a lot like Sarah Palin. Neither one seems to be too bright when you first meet them but those appearances are deceiving. They're not stupid. Their heads are simply uncluttered by useless information. They know what they need to know. Sarah Palin may not know what a continent is but she knows which parts of the Alaskan Pipeline need to be fixed, she knows which library books are most offensive and need to be banned and she know how much a pepperoni pizza at the Juneau Pizza Hut costs. Dwelling on any other subject would be a waste of her time. Wheeler is the same way. He may not know about balancing his checkbook or how to clean himself properly but he does know how to get hot girls to sleep with him and how to do his job, that being wearing a minotaur costume. He and Sarah aren't a couple of elitist prigs who have to go around intellectualizing everything and...

Oh screw this. Why bother? I'M SORRY SARAH. I'M SO SO SORRY. I tried my best, I really did. I did everything I could think of but nothing worked. I called Obama a Muslim, an atheist, too smart, too dumb, and a terrorist and he still managed to get 365 electoral votes. I said that he was having an affair with Rashid Khalidi and that William Ayers had been the actual father of his children. I claimed to have a tape of Michelle Obama saying that, as reparations for slavery, black people should be allowed to eat the livers of white babies. I called Obama a Nazi, a Socialist, a Mormon, a Scientologist, and a Druid. I said he would pass a law that nullified all marriages and then force us all to gay marry illegal immigrants. I said that he wasn't born in this country and had, in fact, been born on a secret space station financed by the oil money of Muslim Jihadists which meant he wasn't even a citizen of this planet. I tried really pushing down on the mouse when I clicked on the "Publish Post" button. Yet, none of it worked. It was almost as if my attacks became less effective when they got crazier but that can't be it. Hell, I was one of the people in 2004 who claimed that John Kerry never served in Vietnam and I wasn't even alive during the Vietnam War yet no one ever called me on it. No, what happened is obvious. ACORN, under the direction of their board members Keith Olbermann, George Soros, William Ayers and the liberal media, managed to steal the election and they did it so well that the only person who can see that is me.

We'll try again, Sarah, and not in 2012. I'm working now to try and get a Constitutional Amendment passed that would force Obama to have to run again in 2010. Stay strong Sarah and know that Role Models is a big hit because the country secretly supports you.

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