Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Mouse, A Louse and A Will Smith-ouse*

Tomorrow is the weeks movie premiere day and boy oh boy, does it look like an all around suck fest. Just in time for the holidays too. As always, I consult the Tomatometer.

I had never heard of The Tale of Despereaux before I saw the first trailer for the movie. Apparently, it's a popular children's book about a mouse that does some stuff. I may be wrong about that. Anyway, it's currently clocking in at 42% on the TM and, frankly, that estimate seems too high. Ebert seems to like the animation though he gives low marks to the story but I must do something I rarely do, that being disagree with Roger Ebert. I haven't cared too much for the animation I've seen in trailers, stills and TV commercials.

Jim Carrey's new comedy, Yes Man, has a 40% rating so far. I'm willing to cut Carrey some slack here and give his movie about a doofus who decides to say YES to stupid stuff a 50% chance as to whether he will make me laugh or retch. History tells us that Yes Man will probably be the week's biggest hit. As you may recall, as we reach into history-back in the Long, Long Ago, there was a lame, predictable comedy called Four Christmases that everyone hated yet managed to knock Twilight out of its #1 spot. Tough economic times always fill the seats of light comedies no matter how stupid. Does Yes Man qualify? Dustin Putman at said:
A high-concept comedy that you can practically set your watch to. It's pleasant enough, yes, but it's also exceedingly predictable and the screenplay forces conflict upon the plot at the sacrifice of the characters' IQs.

PERFECT! Expect a hundred bazillion dollar opening.

Those same tough economic times may work against Seven Pounds, a movie that looks depressing even though no one knows what it's about. I think I've figured out the plot but will keep my predictions to myself so that, after I see it, I can lie and say, "Yep, that was my prediction." It's against the laws of nature for a Will Smith movie to bomb but, if I were the studio, I wouldn't go borrowing against the huge profits I was expecting to make off of Seven Pounds to throw my annual "Snort Blow Off A Hooker's Ass" Christmas party that I throw every year. I'm not sure even Will Smith can beat both depressing subject matter and a 35% TM rating.

So, there you have it. This week's major releases. There are some minor releases like Mickey Rourke's The Wrestler and a French film called The Class that I didn't touch on, mainly because I won't be able to see them and I assume that, if I don't see a movie, no one else will either. That's how in tune I am with the nation.

*Sorry, needed something that rhymed.

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