Monday, December 15, 2008

Why I'm Looking Forward To Bedtime Stories

It's a Disney movie. Yep, Adam Sandler's new Christmas movie, Bedtime Stories, is a Disney movie. This does not guarantee quality by any means, but it does mean that Sandler won't be able to lapse into the gross, lazy tricks he loves to use in every movie. Just off the top of my head, some examples of this include a she/male getting vomited on by a walrus, a deer smiling and showing the shit it just ate smeared on its teeth and Sandler himself shoving a fish up his asscrack and shooting it into the air only to see it visibly stained when it lands. These things happen in every Sandler film and pretty much suck the wind out of any sort of humorous momentum that his movies build up.

Well, guess what? He can't do that this time around. Disney hates anything that even looks like controversy, the exception being having risque or flat out naked pictures of its young, female stars winding up on the internet (yeah, they say they hate that but they don't give back the money they start getting from the 40 year old pervs who suddenly start buying Hannah Montana or High School Musical merchandise) and Sandler can't even do that as he does not meet the "young and female" requirement. This means that Sandler will actually have to try to be funny without the usual tricks he uses in lieu of comedy. Sandler's diehard fans will probably be shouting, "This sucks! I'd damn well better see someone fall face down in cow flop in the next five minutes or I want my money back," when they go to see it and they'll flood forums and comments sections with cries that Sandler has sold out which is good. The pain of douchebags who love gross, juvenile humor is like crack to me.

I have no idea if Bedtime Stories will be any good but at least it has a shot and that's all any movie fan can ask for while waiting in line for their tickets.

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