Look At My Briefs -- 7/15/10

Shockingly, the current plan to plug the oil spill in the Gulf has failed. What, then, is the answer? Perhaps it lies in my latest collection of brief comments on various subjects I like to call Look At My Briefs.

I've never seen I Spit On Your Grave. I only know about it because Roger Ebert usually refers to it as the worst movie ever made. It is, by all accounts, a horribly violent piece of crap with numerous rape scenes shown in an exploitive and titillating manner. Well, not only did some fucktards "reboot" it but they kept in the sexualized rape scenes and made the poster even more erotic than the original 70s version. I pity the poor actress who saw this as her big break and, perhaps talked herself into thinking the film had some sort of important social message or something. I hope this leads to roles for her where she doesn't have to be debased.

Finally, something that looks like it may be a decent film from M. Night Shyamalan. He didn't direct it but the script was adapted from his story which means he'll probably get all the credit no matter what his role in the movie. Of course, if it stinks, watch as he accuses the producers of stealing the story out of his desk and making the film without his knowledge. This is the kind of movie that Shyamalan should be doing, though. Small and intense films that center on characters more than cheap scares. That's assuming this movie actually does that. If it doesn't then at least Shyamalan gets the distinction of failing in two different genres this year.

I used to think Mark Ruffalo would be a good choice to play the Hulk's human alter-ego. Nice to see Hollywood is catching up to me.

I don't mind seeing a ripoff of Planes, Trains and Automobiles as long as it's a good ripoff of Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Like, for instance, this movie. The trailer looks good anyway though this is approximately the one millionth movie, plus or minus 3. to claim it will be the next Hangover. I just hope the filmmakers don't think I'd be willing to sacrifice the laughs in favor of an important and heart warming life lesson about the importance of friendship.

The dumbest thing in this right wing look back at Independence Day isn't the writer's insistence that Americans all agreed with him that the real star of the movie is Adam Baldwin or that the reason the movie killed off the First Lady was so the Clintonian President would be free to date. No, this is the dumbest line:

Despite the preachy subtext of environmental-wacko-ism, and the unlikelihood of a hungover Quaid winning the day...

So, the most unlikely thing about Independence Day was Randy Quaid doing a kamikaze run into an alien spaceship. This was a movie in which countless people outran fireballs, Will Smith was to instantly master an alien fighter because he had once seen one fly and (my favorite) a Macintosh, that being the computer that's incompatible with most of the computers on Earth, easily interfaced with and disabled the computer system of the alien invaders. Okay.

If you saw the premiere of TNT's new police drama Rizzoli and Isles, you may be asking yourself the same question I did: why the hell is it called Rizzoli and Isles? Isles entire contribution to solving the crime in the pilot episode was to give a time of death. She did run an important test but only did so at the instructions of an FBI agent. The rest of her scenes consisted of a few casual chats and a pompous lecture about turtles. Rizzoli, meanwhile, risked her life more than once and barely escaped death in order to capture a pair of serial killers. She did all the work and it should have at least been called Rizzoli and Company. I didn't care for it too much anyway but I will give it another episode or two in case this turns out to be one of those shows that improved after its crappy pilot.