Friday, July 23, 2010

Some Guy Tries To Figure Out Inception

What the hell...I mean...what the hell...

Ok, all right, I think I have this figured out. You have that Japanese guy and he goes up to Leonardo DiCaprio and he says he wants him to dream up something new and that' no no, let me start over. Leo finds that girl from Juno, ok? And she's an architect, ok? With me so far? And then I think he wanted her to design some sort of city that can roll up like a carpet and then everyone starts floating because of that. Does that make sense? No, damn it, that can't be right.

Crap, why couldn't this movie have been more like Grown Ups? I had that down cold. They bitch about being old so they act like idiots and piss in a public pool and boom, everything's all right. But God forbid Mr. Fancy Pants Christopher Nolan make anything that simple. Nope, he has to do dreams and dreams within dreams and things that may not be dreams and then we get to see DiCaprio's wife who's either dead or a dream or both or neither. Frankly, I don't see a problem, not one single damn problem, that couldn't have been solved if every member of the cast had just gotten into a pool and pissed in it. They all could have had a good laugh, learned an important life lesson and gone on to a heart warming ending. Instead, I get buildings crumbling, people flying, winter turning into summer and back and is the ending heartwarming? I DON'T KNOW! I don't know if the ending is happy or sad or what. The credits rolled, the lights came up and I ended up making an ass out of myself by insisting to the theater manager that they must have left out a reel because the movie couldn't possibly be over.

Well you know what? Screw you, Christopher Nolan! Yeah, I said it. SCREW YOU, MR. "I'M TOO GOOD TO SHOW PEOPLE PISSING"! Don't even think I'll be going to see the next Batman movie and you know what I'm going to do with my Memento DVD? That's right, I'm gonna piss on it.

Whoa, WHOA WAIT A MINUTE! I think I got it. They're in Hell. Yeah, that has to be it. They're all dead and in Hell and that's why all their problems can't be solved by taking a leak in public. Damn, this all makes sense now. Or maybe they're just dreaming that they're in Hell...crap, I'm confused now. Maybe I should go see the movie again.

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