Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Most Dangerous Lame

Predators, like its 1987 "s" free predecessor, is one of those movies that you can mildly enjoy watching and then happily push it out of your mind. The only things I really remembered from the first movie were the Predators themselves and Jesse Ventura being told he was bleeding and responding, "I don't have time to bleed." No wonder Minnesota elected him. This movie is a bit fresher in my mind but I think what I'll remember in the future, if I think about it at all, is that Adrien Brody wasn't anywhere near being the horrible choice for the lead tough guy that I thought he would be. He's obviously been working out since I saw him do a love scene with Keira Knightley and (partly due to the poor lighting and awful camera angles but mostly because they were both so skinny) I couldn't tell who was who.

The movie opens with Brody dressed in combat gear falling from a few miles up for some unknown reason. Turns out he's wearing a parachute which is why the title isn't Adrien Brody Falls To His Death: A Short Film. Several other people also land in the same general area and we find out two things: With the exception of a doctor played by Topher Grace, they are all in some sort of business that involves highly trained violence and none of them knows how they got there. After seeing some subtle and not-so-subtle clues, they realize that they're not even on Earth. Then they get attacked by creatures they call dogs even though these dogs have leathery skins and are covered with large, bony spikes and Brody figures out that this planet is a game preserve and that the dogs had just "flushed them out" in the same way we flush out quail.

As far as plot specifics go, that's about the first 20 minutes and it's really all you need to know. I don't need to tell you when they first encountered the creatures that we, the audience, knew were there from the beginning. We haven't seen the Predators in film since 1990* when the unstoppable team of Danny Glover and Gary Busey took them out in Predator 2. I held out very little hope when I heard a new sequel was being made but it turned out to be, well, not awful. They borrowed one trick from the original film and populated it with recognizable character actors who were actually able to seem distinctive despite the fact that their personalities ranged from Asshole to Raging Asshole. I can several potential future governors in this cast and maybe they'll beat the record of 2 set by the first movie.

So, should you see Predators? If you want. It doesn't really matter. You'll be mildly entertained if you do and if you miss it, you'll survive. Was that passive/aggressive enough? And what movie was I reviewing again?

*I refuse to include those horrible Alien vs. Predator movies that aren't so much movies as they are excuses for movie theaters to take money out of your wallet.

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