Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I'm Here To Eat Quail Eggs And Kick Ass

In the months to come, you will hear teenage boys talking about how they can't wait to see the new movie based on a Jane Austen book. Let me assure you that, if you are the kind of person who always hoped that your son would suddenly gain an appreciation for great literature, this is not a cause for celebration. Also, I can assure you that, if you are a raging homophobe who considers your son's newfound interest in Jane Austen to be a sign that he's going to soon be moving in with his best friend Blaine, this is not a cause for alarm.

The reason they'll suddenly gain interest in a story about a young girl who slowly falls in love with someone she once considered to be a cur and a brute is because of an upcoming movie called, and this is true, Pride and Predator. The plot faithfully follows the love story of the strong-willed Elizabeth Bennett and the mysterious Mr. Darcy up to a certain point. At that point, aliens invade Netherfield Park, adding "Imminent, Violent Death" to a list of worries that normally includes things like "Trying to Marry a Man of Status" and "What To Serve When Lady Catherine Stops By For Lunch".

This is the kind of movie that, when I see it, I think, "Why didn't I think of that?" Unless, of course, it turns out to suck in which case I'll state publicly that, "even a syphilitic chimp would have known not to make this turd of a movie." In fact, I think I'll copy both of those for the Pride and Predator review I'll be writing a year from now.

And yes, I know I can be a smartass which leads me to:

No, I'm not making this up.

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