Right Wing Movie Reviews -- Paul Blart: Mall Cop

It has been a while since I heard from noted right wing blogger Gotterdamerung who contacts me from time to time in order to express offense at something I wrote and offer balance. He's been busy as he's now one of the top writers over at Big Hollywood. Perhaps you read his article where he describes how none of his screenplays have ever been produced because he's a conservative. When a commenter asked what his screenplays were about, he admitted that he had never actually written one and said that if a liberal had told the lies he had just told, no one would care. Anyway, here is his response to my review of Paul Blart: Mall Cop. -- MC

Hi all, Gotterdamerung here. If you ever needed proof that Hollywood is run by Marx worshiping Liberals whose greatest wish is to someday be able to invite Osama bin Laden to their Wine and Brie Parties, you need look no further than the treatment that the Holly-nistas have given to one of the greatest expressions of conservative doctrine ever made, that being Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Much has been made of the fact that The Dark Knight, a movie that justified not only George Bush's War on Terror but also ignoring the Constitution and giving him a third term, was robbed of a well deserved Best Picture nomination this year, a fact that I consider to literally be worse than the Holocaust, yet I consider the fact that Paul Blart also fell victim to a Liberal Jihad by failing to get a Best Picture nomination to be an even greater outrage.

And before you get going, Liberals, you can save all your Nazi-like emails and comments about how Paul Blart wasn't "serious" enough to be nominated, probably because it wasn't about an atheist whose favorite activity was spitting on American flags. The other, more laughable complaint that all you Obama loving elitist prigs might have is that Paul Blart came out in 2009 and couldn't be nominated for Best Picture of 2008, a technicality you can blame on left wing calendars that were intentionally designed to cause travesties like this.

Paul Blart is another of those movies that pretends to simply be light, escapist fare because the movie would never have been made had the filmmakers revealed their true intentions. This story about a feckless security guard who accidentally stumbles onto a criminal plot is, to anyone with a brain, clearly supposed to be the story of George W. Bush and his struggle against the Islamofascists who work tirelessly to kill us all because they hate our freedom. It is no coincidence that this story takes place in a shopping mall, something that exists in no other country on the planet except America, a fact that I know must be true despite evidence (evidence that, I assume, was fabricated by al Qaeda) that they actually exist in every part of the world.

The character of Paul Blart is someone who tries to get by in a world of leftists who fail to appreciate him. He is unable to join the New Jersey State Troopers, supposedly because he has hypoglycemia though I think we all know this would be overlooked if he were a minority applying under affirmative action rules. He takes a job in mall security, a job in which he is mocked for stridently defending the mall against Muslims, Liberals, Rappers and anyone else who hates the mall for its freedom. No one but Blart thinks they have to be vigilant against The Enemy until the day that the mall is invaded by violent, anti-American insurgents who claim they only want to steal a database of credit card numbers but, and again this is obvious, also want to destroy everything in America that is good, decent, white and Christian.

The rules say that Paul Blart should follow the instructions of the Police and leave the job of stopping the Mall Insurgency to them but Blart knows what people in the real world like George Bush, Sarah Palin and Jack Bauer know: sometimes you have to break the rules. Blart stays in the mall and handles the situation on his own terms while ignoring Liberal Law Enforcement's demands that he withdraw or at least set up a timetable for withdrawal.

I'm glad to see that Paul Blart: Mall Cop is a hit. I'm hoping it gives everyone who sees it the courage to stand up to America's enemies today in the same way that George W. Bush stood up against the Iraqis on 9/11.