Moore Money

Let me congratulate the planet for ignoring all the bad things said about Watchmen, the movie made from Alan Moore's famous graphic novel, and giving it such a strong opening, mainly because I had been wanting to use that title and now it fits. I feel like you all did this for me. Up until now, I've only been able to comment on the stupid things other people have been saying about Watchmen. Now I can say by own stupid...wait, let me start over.

Watchmen is possibly the best cinematic superhero adaptation to date, and that's saying a lot after last year's releases of Iron Man and Dark Knight. I had read the graphic novel first and the only thing I'm really wondering about is whether people who hadn't could appreciate it on the same level I did. Director Zach Snyder managed to pack way more of the book's content into just under three hours of film than I would have thought possible but there's still a great deal of content that didn't make it in. I feel like the girl I met at a showing of Twilight who was a fan of the books and described as "amazing" a movie I found to be mediocre.

One of the things Alan Moore tried to do two decades ago when he wrote Watchmen was try to answer the question, "What would happen if superheroes actually existed?" When you really think about it, the answer is obvious. Real vigilantes usually turn out to be, to one degree or another, total head cases and so it is with Watchmen. The heroes in this story are, to varying degrees, mentally ill.

The movie opens in 1985 with the murder of Edward Blake who was better known in his world as the Comedian. This takes place in an alternate timeline where masked heroes have existed since World War II (an inspired animated credit sequence quickly brings people up to speed on how different the world is because of that). It's established later that he was killed because he had discovered that an atrocity was about to happen. It's also established later that Blake was a thoroughly amoral man so if he thought of something as "an atrocity" then it must be pretty damn bad. Like some of our better comedians, Blake had the ability to wryly cut through the spin other people create about themselves and the world and expose to people the truth about themselves, like when he informs one hero that the only reason he puts on a mask and beats up criminals is because of the sexual thrill he gets out of it.

The thread that binds the plot together is Rorschach, a madman who put on an unsettling shifting inkblot mask so he could mete out the extreme punishments he feels the guilty deserve. He has contempt for pretty much everything because he does not see the complexities of human nature. You are either good or evil. The one who robs a bank for the hell of it is the same as the one who steals a loaf of bread to feed his family in Rorschach's eye. After masked vigilantes were finally outlawed in 1977, Rorschach is the only one who remained active which is why he's the only one who investigates the Comedian's death.

His investigation leads him to his old partner, Dan Dreider, who was once known as Nite Owl before the law made him give that up. Dreider's become a rather pathetic figure since his retirement, partly due to his loss of idealism and partly due to the fact that he more or less feels that a large portion of his manhood is wrapped up in the costume he used to wear. From there, Dreider and Rorschach go to see the last three members of the group formerly known as the Watchmen.

Dreider goes to visit Adrian Veidt, formerly known as Ozymandias. Veidt revealed his identity to the world after 1977 and used his fame and intellect (some call him the world's smartest man) to build a vast financial empire. Unlike Dreider, Veidt hasn't lost one bit of his youthful idealism. He still thinks he can save the world through his logic, his will and his good intentions. What we find out later is that good intentions really can be the road to Hell.

Rorschach goes to see Laurie Jupiter and Jon Ostermann. Laurie is the daughter of the Silk Spectre, a famous crime fighter from the 40s who more or less forced Laurie to take up where she left off. Her boyfriend is Jon Ostermann, also known as Dr. Manhattan, a man who can't really be called human anymore. After an accident with something called an Intrinsic Field Separator in 1959, Ostermann attained godlike powers and is the only one of the group who can truly be called a "Super" Hero. Dr. Manhattan, over the last quarter century, has moved further and further away from humanity due to his powers and his ability truly see all the layers of the space/time continuum. To him, past, present and future are now all the same. He even blandly comments that it doesn't matter if people die since their dead bodies have the same molecules as their live ones.

As the story unfolds, we see how some of the world's most powerful people try to overcome their own weaknesses and limitations to try to solve the Comedian's death before it's too late. Literally, the fate of the world is at stake. The Russians, terrified of Dr. Manhattan, have built up a massive stockpile of nukes and are getting ready to use them. Also, there's whatever the Comedian was trying to prevent, a horror show in its own right. I'm not Anthony Lane so all I will reveal about that is that it's truly a classic super villain plot. The answers and the movie's resolution are not simple. Some people found it unsatisfying. I didn't.

As I said, I compare seeing Watchmen to seeing Twilight. It will truly and ultimately be appreciated by the fans of the book. Like the teenage girls who loved Twilight, I can say that I loved Watchmen in a way most who never read the book will. I can honestly say that, for the first time in my life, I know what it is to be a teenage girl.