You Heard It Here First

I'm still annoyed I had to miss Comic-Con this year. If you aren't there either and share my frustration, we can all work together and do something about it. I'm going to create some fake rumors and I want you all to help spread them. True, there aren't many of you reading this, but if history has taught us anything, it's that even a small group can band together and make a difference.

• A massive swarm of bedbugs has invaded Comic-Con and anyone who was there is infested with them. You should avoid anyone who was anywhere near Comic-Con lest you end up covered with bedbug bites.
• The surviving members of Led Zeppelin got together over the weekend and played their greatest concert ever for anyone who wasn't at Comic-Con.
• Comic-Con had clips of the new Twilight movie. You should say that the clips they saw were fake and that you saw clips of the real movie, a good version that is noticeably lacking in moussed up pretty boys with shiny skin who woo girls by saying they should take it as a compliment that he wants to kill them.
• You know all those hot girls at Comic-Con dressed as Wonder Woman or Princess Leia? They were all dudes.
• Tell everyone you had an awesome time over the weekend watching a double feature of two incredible new movies, Orphan and The Ugly Truth. This one will be a hard sell. Hopefully, these smug Comic-Con attendees will believe you and rush out to see these two awful movies, an experience that will erase any and all joy they felt at Comic-Con.
• We all went to Awesome-Con which was 8 bazillion times better than Comic-Con. Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford and George Lucas were all there to announce a new series of Star Wars films and all attendees received actual copies of Action Comics #1.
• Turns out there was something in the water at Comic-Con that causes people to grow extra nipples and causes their asses to turn blue.
• A curse was cast over Comic-Con. No one who was there will ever know true love.

As for that last one, even if I knew ahead of time that this was true, I'd have still wanted to go. Oh well, guess I'll mope for the rest of the weekend. See you all next week.