Upon request of the President of the European Union, I present another edition of Look At My Briefs.
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Really? Someone actually thought it would be a good idea to make a movie about a guy who impregnates his female friend by swapping out the sperm of an anonymous donor with his own AND to make the movie as a romantic comedy. This should be the story of a creepy stalker who is ultimately exposed as the degenerate he is. Instead, we'll be treated to Jennifer Aniston's initial revulsion upon hearing the news, her slow acceptance and the climactic reunion kiss between the two lovers. Also, we'll almost certainly end up seeing Jason Bateman masturbating to get his "donation".
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I hope no one thinks less of me when I say that I really, really hope we soon see a movie in which the hero is a pedophile. A particular pedophile, anyway. NO ONE F*CKS WITH THE JESUS!
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Following up on what I said yesterday, it's very difficult to have respect for the vaunted idea of The Free Market when it's capable of doing something like this. We desperately need a government takeover of the movie industry.
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Speaking of Transformers, someone on Twitter pointed out to me that my review had utterly failed to mention a character whose name I can't recall so I'll just call him Old Man Transformer. He was older than Optimus Prime and walked with a cane. He was in quite a bit of the movie too yet his presence completely escaped me when I reviewed the film. I think the reason that he was actually the least stupid element of the whole plot. Had the movie been better, I may have even been able to appreciate the appeal and camp value of Old Man Transformer. Unfortunately, the movie ended up eating huge chunks of ass and he got lost in the shuffle. Please don't think I'm prejudiced against old people.
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Netflix keeps springing these little surprises on me. The latest is that Neil Gaiman's BBC series Neverwhere is available for instant streaming. I'd read the book years ago but never saw the show. So far, it's as good as the book. I couldn't quite remember how it ended until I heard the word "Islington." then it all came back.
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Dear America's Got Talent,
Nice try. You're not fooling us. We knew you were going to try and slip in an American version of Susan Boyle and we saw Chuckly McPigfucker coming from a mile away. You'll have to do better than that.
Sincerely Yours, Mike Clear
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