Look At My Briefs -- 7/31/09

We've all had a few stressful days (he said, projecting his existence onto that of the whole world) so why not wind down the week with a look at some brief comments on various subjects I like to call Look At My Briefs.

This will end well. The Rockford Files is one of the first shows I really loved so, naturally, they've decided to remake it and screw it up. Sure, they haven't even cast it yet, but "This is totally going to suck" is the assumption I make when dealing with new television shows and that goes double for TV classics. Some good news is that House creator David Shore is behind the reboot but that's not enough. I won't believe it's any good until it's run for around 5 years and people start saying, "Wow, this isn't as good as it was in season 2." Expect me to make a similar complaint in 2025 when the 3rd Rockford Files remake is announced.

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Heroes has been dying on the vine for about two years now. In the first season, you couldn't have asked for a better show. Since then, you can not only ask for one but you could get downright verbally abusive when doing so. It started showing signs of life in the second half of the last season so maybe so maybe this trailer is a sign of good things to come and not just artful marketing.



Then again, maybe this is the season they go all in with the "Let's make Mohinder Suresh into a mutated spider villain" idea and maybe they'll make Claire even more helpless than she already is. Perhaps they'll think that the fact neither of those have worked so far means that the odds of success will now tip in their favor.

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I forget that everyone isn't me and that there are people who live and die by things about which I could not care less. For example, until a tempest-in-a-teapot scandal began forming around her, I had no idea who Rachel LeFevre was. Had you told me she played Victoria in Twilight, I'd have asked who the hell Victoria was. Upon being informed that she played the evil vampire chick girlfriend of douchebag vampire villain James, I'd have said, "Oh, well, all rightie then," and gone on with whatever I was doing, something I can assure you was in no way related to Twilight. But that's me and most of the planet isn't me and a hefty portion of the they who are not me actually care a great deal about Twilight and whether or not Rachel What's-Her-Name plays Victoria in the Twilight sequels and they all got hot and bothered over the idea that she's being replaced by Opie Cunningham's daughter, Bryce Dallas Howard. How Rachel LeFevre gained such a devoted following to make a controversy like this possible is a mystery to me. If memory serves, she clocked in about five minutes of screen time in the whole movie and, in that five minutes, left such an impression on me that, if she shot me in the face, I'd be unable to tell the authorities that she was the culprit. Anyway, I'm scared to click any of the links in that article though this one...

A fan has put together a dramatized script set in the Summit Entertainment offices, with execs discussing the Lefevre situation. Some of the dialogue is pie-in-the-sky speculation, but it's a funny, non-traditional approach to editorializing the news.

...is one I might look into later just to see if, as I predict, the author of that little skit will mainly have studio execs behind this decision saying things like, "Duh, we suk, huh huh, let's go eat our own poop." I could confirm whether or not I'm right by visiting the site and reading the skit but, to put it lightly, Twilight fandom is not a pretty sight and should be avoided by most people. By me, anyway.

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I'm pleasantly surprised to see the headline "Meryl Streep: Bankable Franchise". She's a national treasure who's still pumping out quality work (I'm willing to ignore Mamma Mia) after three decades in the movie business. She's also in a movie that I'll go see to recover from the near-certain clusterfuck that will be G.I. Joe. It's great that she's a popular movie draw. Since only so many people can be stars, that means she's taking one of those coveted spots away from someone else and sparing us headlines like "Rob Schneider Mania Sweeps The Nation" or "Dane Cook Is Cooking With Gas" and for that, we should all light a candle and pray for Meryl's fruitful existence to continue for a long time to come.