Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Waiting For The Worms

I recently spent some time doing something I think all movie fans wish they could do. I recorded my adventure in a journal and proudly reprint it here.

Sunday, September 20:

7:30 A.M. -- Just woke up. *yawn* Wonder what I'll do today. Let's see what movies are coming out this week. Reading MY GOD OH MY GOD How could I have forgotten? Surrogates is premiering this Friday.

Well, guess I know what I'll be doing this Friday LOL. I'd better lay out my movie going outfit now. Can't just wear the usual T-shirt and jeans, not for Surrogates.

9:00 A.M. -- Went ahead and rented a tux for Friday. Should I get a limo too? No Mike, get a limo the next time Bruce Willis saves humanity from whoever is destroying it's robotic surrogates. OF COURSE YOU SHOULD GET A LIMO. Idiot.

11:00 A.M. -- All rightie, everything is set. I decided against the limo in favor of a horsedrawn carriage. Very pricey but how often do I get to see Bruce Willis in a movie set in a dystopian future where robotic technology has been taken to ridiculous extremes?

12:30 P.M. -- Ha ha, almost forgot to buy tickets. I think I'll see it four times on the first day. Let's just log on to Fandango and...wait a minutes, what if Fandango screws up and I don't have tickets waiting for me on Friday? Well, if that happens I'll just buy tickets at the door, unless it's sold out WHICH OF COURSE IT WILL BE. This is Surrogates we're talking about. I'll be lucky if it's not sold out already.

12:40 P.M. -- I can't stand this anymore so I'll just go to the theater and buy some tickets in advance.

1:00 P.M. -- NOOOOOO! They say their computer isn't functioning properly and I have to wait till Tuesday to buy advance tickets. I have no choice. I'll have to camp out in front of the theater until Tuesday. I imagine many other Surrogates fans will show up and turn this into a party.

10:00 P.M. -- Man, it's getting cold and no one else has shown up. I thought maybe some hot cheerleaders who are also Surrogates fans would have been in line by now and we'd all cuddle up for warmth. I tried to build a fire but the security guard made me put it out. Fascist!

Monday, September 21:

3 A.M. -- It's really cold now. Why couldn't this movie have come out in the summer? Stupid movie. Oh no, what am I saying? Forgive me, Bruce Willis and please ask director Jonathan Mostow to forgive me too. He directed Terminator 3 which is how we know Surrogates will be brilliant.

7 A.M. -- Dozed off for a while but, luckily, no one cut in front of me. Getting hungry. There's a McDonalds across the street. An Egg McMuffin would be mighty tasty right now but I don't dare risk losing my place in line.

7:30 A.M. -- Need to go to the bathroom but that's why I brought along these empty plastic bags. I pity the guy who has to clean out these trashcans.

1 P.M. -- Really getting hungry. I paid a kid 20 bucks to get me a Quarter Pounder and a shake. He said sure then ran off down the street away from the McDonalds laughing the whole time. I assume there's another, better McDonalds in that direction. This is gonna be the most awesome Quart Pounder/shake combo in history.

5 P.M. -- Kid never came back with my food. I assume he got hit by a bus. My condolences to his family.

11 P.M. -- I think I may be developing pneumonia as well as other exposure-related illnesses. Seeing Robot Bruce Willis in a blond wig will make it all worthwhile though.

Tuesday, September 22:

3 A.M. -- Finally ate after wrestling a mouse carcass away from a stray cat. Man, this movie better be worth it.

9 A.M. --Finally, the box office opened and I was able to buy my advance tickets to Surrogates. Got one for me and one for whatever hot girl is willing to blow me. Should be no problem getting a girl to do that. This is Surrogates, after all.

So there you have it. I'd ask how many of you are planning to see Surrogates this Friday but there's no point since the only possible answer is that all of you are going. See you at the movies.


Alan Vinart said...

I'm hoping Surrogates does not end up having the same look and feel of A.I. (yuck!) -- at least it looks like Jude Law won't be making any awkward robot appearances

Jennifer Masse said...

No surrogates looks way better then AI. Speilburg was just trippin when he made that one.

Michael Clear said...

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