Look At My Briefs -- 9/24/09

If it's Thursday, that means it's time for yet another edition of everyone's favorite source of news about show business and swine flu prevention, my brief comments on various subjects called Look At My Briefs.

Oh look, another movie about zombies. I think it's been nearly two weeks since one of those was announced.

Oh look, another remake of a classic movie franchise. I think it's been two weeks since we've had one of those. I'm not a huge Highlander fan so it means jack and squat to me if it gets a "reboot" so by all means, feel free to boot this movie's re as much as you want. It has the director of Fast and Furious behind it which means it must be good unless you actually use Fast and Furious as some sort of indicator.

I see NCIS and its new spinoff dominated Monday night ratings. I wonder if the people who complain that television sucks are the same people who keep watching what is basically the same show over and over again.

Speaking of television and sucking, The Vampire Diaries didn't get any better with episode 2. It really is following the Twilight formula of showing the development of a boring romance with approximately one minute of action to liven things up. I doubt I'll watch it again.

I shall close things out with a trip to Big Hollywood. Regular readers know that I have commented on their content many times in the past but haven't done so lately because they've gotten boring*. There was, however, one post written that caught my attention. Yervand Kochar has taken a break from his attempts to defeat Moose and Squirrel to tell us how mega awesome the past was. He tells us all what a man's man Cary Grant was and how he'd like to rub his penis against Barbara Stanwyck's ankle. Then he gets stupid.

The stars of the 40s seduce you, and you like it, because they make you feel comfortable. You believe they know what they are doing.

Does this mean they were better lovers in real life? Was, for instance, Clark Gable a better lover than Matt Damon? Was Barbara Stanwyck better in bed than, let’s say, Jessica Alba?

Absolutely.

(Unless, of course, Jessica Alba wants to prove me wrong.)

This is a fine example of three things. One, the fact that he trashes Jessica Alba and then swings into how much he wants to fuck her shows that, on some level, he knows how full of shit he is. Two, Kochar, like a lot of conservatives, longs for an idealized past he didn't even live through in which men are men, woman know their place and no one is black. Three, Kochar, again like a lot of conservatives, can't tell fantasy from reality. He actually says that stars of the past must have been better lovers and fighters because of what they did on screen. He has no idea if Barbara Stanwyck was frigid in real life or if Laurence Olivier had a glass jaw nor does he care. He saw it in a movie so it must be true.

*Click the "Big Hollywood" tag at the bottom to see some of the posts I've written about them.