Getting Ready For Friday

As you all know, there's a huge movie being released this Friday and I, for one, am very excited. It's something that will surely change the way we look at cinema and seems destined to be one the biggest moneymakers in movie history. Yes, I'm sure we're all going to visit our local multiplexes this weekend to see Did You Hear About The Morgans?

Morgans mania is like nothing I've ever seen and I admit to having been swept up in it. As a service to my readers, I have prepared a handy checklist to make sure you fully enjoy both the movie itself and the fandom experience that goes along with it.

• Be sure to get your tickets ahead of time. This will be convenient and give you the ability to walk by people waiting in what will surely be long lines just before showtime and say, "SCREW YOU! Enjoy sitting in the front row, losers." I like doing that, anyway.
• Figure out now which Did You Hear About The Morgans? character you're going to dress up as when you see the movie. I'll be going as Sam Elliot's rural sheriff character Clay Wheeler. I'm preparing all sort of quips about how dumb city folk are who can't even milk a cow. Stupid city folk.
• Know that you'll have to deal with the haters. Every big movie generates a backlash and inspires at least a small segment of the population that has nothing better to do than try to tear down something that people love. The proper thing to do is simply ignore them when they make fun of you dressing up as Sarah Jessica Parker or however you express your love for the film. If you can't ignore them, follow my lead. Fill up a squirtgun with your own piss and empty it on anyone who even looks at you funny.
• Organize some Morgans themed events both before and after the movie. I'm having a trivia contest before and after my friends and I will all go to a local restaurant and spend two hours screaming, "OH MY GOD THAT MOVIE WAS SO AWESOME!" before going back to see the midnight show.
• Create your own website devoted to Morgans. Set up message boards, create interactive games and publish your own Did You Hear About The Morgans? fanfiction. Doing this will let everyone know exactly how cool you are.

I doubt I'll sleep between now and Friday so I'll be working on my new site MorgansAreAwesome.com and filling my squirtguns with piss between now and then. See you at the movies this Friday.