Thursday, August 19, 2010

Look At My Briefs -- 8/19/10

Yep, that time of the week again. Time to kick your shoes off, set a spell, listen to your favorite clog dancing record and read another edition of my brief comments on various subjects I like to call Look At My Briefs.

Vampires Suck came out yesterday. Piranha 3D comes out tomorrow. Basically, all the good movies have gone somewhere to die this week and all we is this crap. The producers of Vampires Suck should at least be honest and admit that the original title was Vampires Suck But Not As Much As This Movie Does. Oh congratulations Vampires Suck on what, as of this writing, is a rare zero% Tomatometer rating.

One movie I'm looking forward to is the new effort from director Darren Aronofsky called Black Swan. What caught everyone's attention a few months ago was the news that stars Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis would have a sex scene and, until I saw the trailer, that was all I cared about too. Now that I've seen the trailer, I'm looking forward to this bizarre psychological (and possibly supernatural) thriller. Stories like this are delicate and difficult to successfully bring to the big screen but, for now, it looks like Aronofsky pulled it off and I'm anticipating being very entertained by a look into a waking nightmare that also happens to have A SUPERHOT SEX SCENE BETWEEN TWO LUSCIOUS YOUNG WOMEN ok, I'm back.

This is one of the coolest lists
of DVD and Blu-ray releases I've seen...ever. Night of the Hunter alone would be worth it but Criterion is also putting out Easy Rider? Five Easy Pieces? Oh, my, and Modern Times. Everyone do yourselves a favor and see this and other Chaplin classics like City Lights before you die. If you die without having seen them, have the DVDs buried with you so you can watch them when the aliens resurrect you.

The headline reads "'Captain America' Director Defends 3D Conversion -- Will 'Avengers' Follow Suit?" Sorry Joe Johnston, the only acceptable defense would be, "They had a gun to my wife's head and said they'd kill her if I didn't do the 3D conversion." 3D is bad enough but those 3D conversions are how the residents of Hell have to watch movies. I've seen several and they've all sucked so I don't place very high the odds that Captain America is where that trend will change.

Oh, when I wrote about sucky movies coming out this week, I forgot to mention The Switch. That's the Jennifer Aniston/Jason Bateman romantic comedy that is equal parts delightful zaniness and pure evil where Aniston uses a sperm donor to get pregnant and Bateman, after getting drunk and accidentally destroying said sample, is also drunk enough to think it's a good idea to substitute his own love juice. This, I think, is the one movie that will not cause me to say, "It would have been awful if not for the presence of Jason Bateman," and it's also the one movie that they could have converted to 3D because at least them outrage could have been directed toward the unpleasant visual experience and not the celebration of some borderline form of rape.

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