Thursday, August 5, 2010

Look At My Briefs -- 8/5/10

It's too damn hot to write which is why you should all offer me very dirty sexual favors for soldiering on and whipping up this, another edition of my brief comments on various subjects I like to call Look At My Briefs.

Cinematical reports that Quentin Tarantino may write and direct The Shadow. The Shadow is one of my all time favorite superheroes. I have old Shadow comic books and copies of The Shadow radio show from the 30s starring Orson Welles that I still listen to from time to time. A Shadow movie was made in 1994 with Alec Baldwin that sucked as much ass as it's possible to suck and I would never call any new cinematic version of the Shadow a remake of that. Now that I've set that up, let me put this out there: Quentin Tarantino, if you make The Shadow into a movie, I'll blow you. I mean, I will literally put your penis into my mouth until you ejaculate. I've never done that to a man before but I promise that my lack of experience will be more than compensated for by my drive and enthusiasm. It's all up to you now, dude. Let me know one way or the other.

Oh great, the new G.I. Joe sequel will be made by the same guy who made the first one into such a piece of crap. Can't we just do a reboot and start over again?

I normally try to stay away from celebrity gossip but who the hell is calling Michelle Trachtenberg fat? Seriously, who? I see these stories in which she is supposedly being called fat but they never name the source of those accusations. I'd have to assume it's some sort of cult that worships anorexia as a god.

It's been forever since I last read The Forever War* but I remember it with enough fondness to be excited that it's going to made into a movie written by David Webb Peoples and (hopefully) directed by Ridley Scott. Please note that I will consider acts of terrorism to be a viable option if, as is more than possible, Scott loses control of the project and it ends up being made by a guy whose only directorial experience is making music videos who throws out characterization and dialogue in favor of 3D CGI. Until that happens, I can hope.

Big Hollywood slams Stephen King for calling Glenn Beck a nutcase and Rush Limbaugh a cynical huckster but they fail to realize that the simple solution to this problem is to get those two to stop being such huckster nutcases. You're welcome, Big Hollywood.

As I wrote this, I heard that California's Prop 8 had been overturned so I would like to amend my previous offer to Quentin Tarantino. Quentin, I will gay marry if you make The Shadow. Yeah, this just got real.

* Ha ha.

No comments: