Friday, October 23, 2009

Hope I'm Not Bugging You

The release of Windows 7 has made me think that maybe a review of the new operating system would be a good fit for this site. Then I realized that only a madman uses any Windows operating system when it first comes out. These Windows upgrades are always unfinished nightmares pushed out too early in order to coincide with some sort of marketing strategy. After about a year, they'll have finally fixed all the bugs that were there on release day. Instead of a review based on my own experiences, I have instead complied a list of reported bugs.
  • From time to time, your computer will cause your mouse to fall down and hit you in the crotch.
  • Shortly after installing and registering Windows 7, you will be given the name and address of a Mac user. You will then be locked out of not only your computer but every PC on the planet until that person either switches to Windows or has been eliminated. (This is really more of a feature than a bug.)
  • Windows 7 will send a email to everyone on your Contacts list saying you are gay unless you are openly and proudly gay in which case the email will say you switched.
  • Windows 7 will log itself into and post user reviews under your name about how much you loved Twilight, The Secret and Midnight Thunder, a 15 inch vibrator.
  • A blog devoted to Gossip Girl will be started, again using your name, with the first post "Blair Waldorf Is Huge Bitch" already written.
  • Periodically, the words "GET A LIFE" appear on your screen. Additionally, a picture of you will appear on the computers of your neighbors with the caption, "THIS GUY SHOULD GET A LIFE," underneath it.
  • Your computer will ask, "Would you care for a bowl of Tostitos and some salsa con queso?" When you respond, "Sure," it will then say, "Then get off your fat ass and get it."
  • Whenever you try to access any message board, forum or comments section, from now on Windows 7 will log in your user name as MileyFan69. It will also give your real name and contact info.
Please note that I could not confirm that any of these had actually happened and they may not be real so none of what I've written could be considered actionable. Got that, Microsoft Legal Department?

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